Under My Skin

doesnt matter.

2006-11-28T22:42:00.000+08:00

mmm. its been awhile. heh. uneventful life with uneventful entries. life has been revolving around trainings so i dun really feel like blogging about it. what else but the persistent underperformance? nah forget it.

anws been overeating lately. hehe. must be the buffet. causing the expansion of the stomach. stupid la now i have to eat so much and yet i dun feel full!!! ugh. fat fat fat fat fat. but it doesnt matter. it'll be burnt off i promise!

chalet starting tmr. (: hopefully it'll be fun, although there are runs and friendly matches in between. which is really weird. haha. we pay to go out and train. lalalla. its just one of those things that i dun get. :S

weird school policy.

man im so bored!!!! gahhh time to bridge or play hearts.

MAHJONG HERE I COME! :D

doesnt pay to be kind

2006-11-16T00:33:00.000+08:00

classic example of how it doesnt pay to be kind. AT ALL. lol. apparently offering a listening ear to a friend is something one ought not to do. HEH. duno what to say la drama's imploding everywhere.

so if i shouldnt do such things to friends.. then what must i do? hmmm. and you dare wonder why im so mean half the time. it's people like this that seriously pisses me off.

but ya la of course im at fault too. for babbling the insensitive things all the time. always suaning people. so i guess they do have the right to be mad at me. but how am i supposed to know ive gone overboard if you dun tell me.. or at least show signs of unhappiness? i mean i honestly dun feel its offensive since im not you. ya maybe these are areas i ought to work on. being more sensitive. but how am i supposed to react when you suddenly blast ur unhappiness at me? hah. being defensive is precisely what i would do. and i think i just made everything worse by being defensive. hehs.

and not to push the blame or anything but i can honestly claim that i do not say the meanest of things. cus i still have some level of awareness of other's feelings...i think... so the nonsense that usually come out of my mouth are pretty mild cus they've been slightly analysed, unless im super pissed or smth which is then a totally different story. BUT then again i might have been too carried away. hehs. so now im trying to recall whatever ive said and try to be objective about it. aiya whatever man.

so i guess the only rational thing to do now is to chill and reflect. HMM..

hah i duno how bad things will turn out to be but i hope everything will be ok soon. or at least pretend to be ok. HEH. since we live in a world of hypocrisy and pretence i dun think being fake will matter at all. annoyance at its best.

mixed feeling

2006-11-11T23:01:00.000+08:00

oh no. been having a lil bit of mixed feelings lately. kinda sucks quite badly. i really duwanna be the one who knows about everything and yet do nothing to stop it. i wanna make a difference. but then on the other hand there is the element of promise that i have to abide by la. somebody should just tell me what to do ):

on a lighter note pw is officially over. op was alright, relatively good considering how LOUSY my presentation was during rehearsals. still think the q&a part was pretty cunning =D hehheh. pw being over is something i should be happy about since i had been complaining till no end since pw started. but then i think im really gonna miss my group. although we are one of the slackest groups (i think) and did alot of last minute stuff which caused frustration to peak very often.... overall i still think we work well together. guess i'll really miss my group. hahas. -nods.

then its about netball again. i really duwanna be a burden to my team. but seeing how things are like now i really cant talk about quitting. well.. so now i just dunno what to do. to improve on skills. the only reason im staying now is because of the team. HAH.

D: !!!

2006-11-03T01:57:00.000+08:00

wth. i seriously hope that all my bad luck that i could ever experience was concentrated yesterday. cus i dunwanna feel this way anymore. ARGH.

ytd was seriously a bad day. OP rehearsal gone bad. training was even worse. wtf. imagine getting picked on for every single detail. it sucks la. but one thing's for sure i definitely do not have what it takes to make it to the team. no use denying it when it's spelt out so clearly. so one thing that i should avoid now is to piss others off. heh.

i think it's time to forget about being morally right and do what's technically correct. what's practical. whatever that's gonna take you to a new level. that's what they should do. sooner or later. heh. it sucks lahhhhh.. ):

so in the meantime i should just pray hard and wish that everything will turn out alright. i really need all the confidence i can muster... fking disgusting la. ugh.

what can i say. this year has seriously been a waste of time. and waste of emotions. its so pointless i dun see why i should continue feeling this way. someone enlighten me pls.

what?

2006-10-25T23:04:00.000+08:00

erm i wonder whats wrong with my tagboard. ohwell dont think people tagging anyway except for a select few so i shall not attempt to improve on it. lol. just email/sms me if you miss me too much! :P

anyways! i think time pass by damn quickly this year. i wonder how i managed to pull through all these crap. but ohwell its already nearing end of october and i guess hell is starting soon. i think i'd gladly stay in the pre-promos period cus it was quite enjoyable although i had to study abit. no trainings, slacking, sleeping, eating etc. super shiok. but now.. heh.

OP sucks. actually the entire pw thing is BS. tsktsktsk. i see no point in it seriously. but haiya at least my groupmates are quite fun. (: although sometimes we can do REALLY last min work and get pretty stressed out. try staying at northpoint macs till midnight to complete wr. CAN DIE PLS. lol but its gossip session most of the time. which i enjoy very much (:

and i guess i gotta start working hard too. hmmm and try to improve on communication skills which i lack? haiya damn sian im autistic what. TSK

and movie marathon was quite fun too although the horror show was kinda boring. hahaha. oops. but its still team bonding la in some sense. :D ultimate horror film is still exorcism of emily rose. HANDS DOWN pls. so scary la. -shudders.

pw

2006-10-16T23:15:00.000+08:00

oh man pw is really super boring la. spent the past 3 days doing pw and somehow for all our 5 drafts, our group has to stay up till wee hours just to complete the stupid thing. UGH! damn sian.

but pw at andrew's house was fun. haha. although most of the time we were distracted and did anything but pw. felt quite guilty but couldnt help it! on saturday we basically went there to gossip, play instruments (drum and piano), EAT, youtubing etc. wah. haha.

but fortunately yesterday was better. less distracted although we still ended up playing quite alot. but hey it was more constructive. hurhur. relived some childhood moments like playing with sparklers.. tho it was quite anticlimax at the end. hehe but still very fun! aiyo..

but for now pw sucks. i want to sleep so badly but i cant. all cus of PW!! yucks im going to FAINT.

friends suck

2006-10-12T22:57:00.000+08:00

some people are just begging me for a tight slap. and i honestly would GLADLY fufil their wishes if not for the fact that they are my "friends". FRIENDS. ya. notice how loosely it is termed. are they even good enough? ugh.

i duno why, but jc people are just so annoying. ohwell most of them anyway. BAH. well obviously there are nice people around but its only about 5% of those i met. the majority can seriously go to hell. and burn there. damn gross.

haiya its times like these that make me miss secondary school so much. at least i think we are on the same frequency. lol. and they dun make you feel like shit. stupid friends can go and die. die die die die die.

so basically post promos activities suck like hell (esp the CDP which left me very much traumatised). i'd much rather go thru promos again. at least i'll be able to go home early and sleep. heh. i have no idea why but ive been losing a lot of sleep lately and staying back in school for no reason. and oh yes PW and OP. omg. dreadful la pls. from now till next year i'd be dreading alot of things so i guess i should get used to it. EW.

time flies?

2006-10-05T23:02:00.000+08:00

as of now. i can slack my ass off without feeling guilty. lol. ok so what if i started stoning yesterday... LOL

woah man time really speeds by it was like just a few days ago i was desperately mugging for my stupid BCME. and now all of a sudden i can just let all the knowledge ive gained from the intense mugging(ok not alot of info but still.) diffuse outa my brain. feels weird. but ohwell. im not complaining really.

till i get my results back i shall feel damn proud of myself for no reason. hoho. cus i dont think i'll be able to do so when i get back the papers. sadly.

well i guess in the meantime i shall keep my fingers toes and eyes crossed (learnt that from some annoying dj-wannabe) and hope for the best for everybody! ((:

ok la had quite alot of sparetime in my hands today which inevitably led me to this thinking mode. erps. pondered over all sorts of things. most of which depressing. and unfathomable i duno why. ugh. stuffs like how much everything's gonna change in time to come. like seriously. i really dunwanna consider the worst case senario but cant help it anws. let the time stand still and things stay the same. i hate changes i hate hate hate hate changes. ugh.

and not fitting in with the majority sucks. heh. perhaps its partly my fault that i dun try to INTEGRATE but then again if there's nothing to talk about there's nothing to talk about. so its best not to force an awkward conversation for the sake of it. but what pisses me off is that i allow everything to just drift apart. i watched everything crumble and not do anything about it. which sucks. cus now its just a useless piece of shit. bleah.

and now im thinking what would have happened if i hadnt changed my combi. lol well i wouldnt know but at least they look friendlier and more like a family? i duno. but i guess its no use thinking about all these cus its too damn late to turn back. it just doesnt work that way and it was my bloody choice so deal with it.

easier said than done. its tough seeing others enjoying so much while im stuck in this stupid rut i cant get out of. it SUCKS ok. and i allowed that to happen. how twisted is that?

OHWELL i duno la. hopefully things will take a turn for the better but i really cant stand those around me who are so damn bloody stubborn and i duno. dumb? like PLS if you wanna correct the situation you're gonna just do the opposite of what should be done? thats very wise im so impressed! are you freaking out of your mind for real..

haiya i think its karma for cursing at so many things my shoulder is hurting so damn badly now. GAH thanks, just what i need.

oh no this entry isnt supposed to sound angsty but im too used to writing non-happy stuff. lol. i need some therapies.

like the morning doses of happiness i enjoy almost everyday. thank god for that!

anxiety

2006-09-29T20:54:00.000+08:00

back to blogging.

things are back to normal... well, almost. so for that im thankful.

pre promos anxiety is skyhigh right now. slightly more than 2 days left and i dun feel too confident right now. esp after looking at the model essays. you mean they actually ask such weird questions for gp? zomg. lol.

pinning all my hopes on chem and math now. so PLEASE DUN FAIL ME. arhhhh. but of course it would be nice if i can achieve my BBC grade AHAHAHAHA. yes its stupid but self amusement isnt all that bad la!

hopefully after printing all these essays (which takes an awful lota time. opportunity costs HELLO?!) can save my ass. haha. gp is so random i swear. grrr. and i havent even started on econs. oh no. wah lau can the printing speed up a little...

seems like life is all about exams right now. hoho. tsktsk. :P

work hard people!

dao!

2006-09-20T22:59:00.000+08:00

wah stupid la i think im kenna dao-ed by someone/some people today. TSK so annoying i didnt do anything pls. although i suspect something which can maybe account for the hostility. im always right when it comes to these sorta things but ohwells maybe im just thinking too much when there's nothing going on ahahaha.

paranoia at it's best.

and i finally found the person im tempted to push down the drain. UGH grossness. in this case ignorance is bliss cus honestly i cant quite fathom why the entire situation irks me so much.

oh no im slacking again. bleah the lack of productivity is bad esp when promos are just slightly more than a week away. i really duwanna get owned but at this rate im going its not looking all too promising. i need MOTIVATION!!

eh stop daoing me and reply to my freaking msg! !@$##$&@!&*%

no sleep tonight i gotta finish my long overdue hw. this sucks more than a vacuum cleaner.

ants

2006-09-16T01:57:00.000+08:00

today (ok technically yesterday) happened to start off pretty decently. good stuff in the morning although it may not be the most ideal situation but heck i could deal with that :D but ohwell as the day drone on it just got annoying. haha. especially now.

so now its like 2 in the sat morn im feeling super nostalgic and im like friendstering hoping to find some friends ive lost touch with. and of course doing what i do best. STALKING people ahahhaha. and cursing some people as i do so. ahahha.

in a weird mood now.. sleepy and cranky and grumpy so its not exactly the best time to bloody talk to me..

and i thought halls was supposed to be good for the throat.. but apparently overeating it will result in sore throat. duh. which is damn stupid. arrrrgh. somemore it didnt manage to keep me awake during econs lecture today. well to be fair it was partly due to the lecturer's irritating voice that made me filter out what was coming outa her mouth. heh.

HUNGRY. that explains all the grumpiness. lol.

ohman i guess its time for bed and hopefully i wont wake up so early later cus being sleepy sucks. but studying sucks even more so RAAHHHH.

depressed.

2006-09-12T22:33:00.000+08:00

depressed depressed depressed DEPRESSED DEPRESSED DEPRESSED!!! URGH. omfg. heh.

this word has been so loosely used of late i dun think it means anything anymore. ): but ya its plaguing my life right now. to the extent that it isnt funny anymore. and on top of everything everyone is drifting away now. and it sucks. although i said it didnt matter if reality crashes down twice as hard. hah. it was all utter BS.

but wells today was moderately alright cus i feel so damn accomplished in terms of homework completion!! ahaha. am finally done with the horrid econs essays la! (: feels quite good to be on time (technically not really la but wth) for freaking once. hahaha. swear all these underperformance shall end as of NOW. time for some serious asskicking.

we shall see... mmmm.

depressing piano pieces are damn nice dun you think. i wanna learn piano man but i have coordination issues (nuff said lol) so errr. ya. sad. oh no all these indulgence in depressing pieces explains all the weird emotions lah. xD

show me a garden thats bursting into life

ok all this shit's gotta stop. seriously. and no im not dramatising you assholes. ugh.

hmm..

2006-09-08T23:18:00.000+08:00

i think ocip sounds damn fun. yup. haha damn random right. yikes but too bad i didnt sign up for it. ohwell.....

seriously public display of affection is annoying. esp if the couple isnt exactly very attractive. i mean if both of them are hot then it can be condoned la but sadly people i see behaving intimately are usually damn gross. ahahahaha. yes discrimination i know but ohwell. be considerate PLS!

hah. thats what boredom does to people i guess. stiking randomness. ahhh. and intentionally trying to stir something up. bleah.

been doing math all day ahaha that explains everything i guess. cant exactly say its been productive but at least i understand integration more now. but yes i am seriously WAY behind schedule.. help. and the tonnes of homework (try 1 gp essay, 2 compres, econs essay, bio revision exercise that will most likely have about 6 essays sneaked in by the bio tutors.. cunnnnnnning) on top of that countless revision topics to complete. ohwow. this is bad.

HEH. heard that jp has subway.. mmmm. shall go there soon. SUBWAY EAT FRESH ((: but i still wanna eat carl's jr ahahhaa

depressing issues. think i need to get out of this rut soon. in the meantime someone pls help me. ahaha. boo.

i want my greys anatomy!

2006-09-07T22:54:00.000+08:00

KANASAI i forgot to record grey's anatomy on monday grrrrrr. yes this is an overdued outburst but i am so sad i dun care. i think im getting depressed again HOW.

it doesnt help that the song i so wanna listen to now is the song for grey's anatomy CLIFFHANGING season finale. haha. oops. which reminds me that i kinda know how the season's gonna end. from the oprah show can u believe it. lol. i swear singapore is so slow in terms of tv series.

depressed!

mmmm everything aside i guess life hasnt been too great. its so annoying to be guilt ridden everyday and not being able to focus la. bah. although ytd was quite fun. ahaha. cant believe i woke up early to STUDY in school. omg. hahaha. the mugger in me day. but ohwell as anyone can imagine it wasnt very productive.. planned to study at least a few chem topics but ended up doing only ALKENES. freaking organic chem is driving me crazy. bleah.

after that went for run which wasnt very intensive but the unfit me felt damn tired. ahaha. TSK. more exercise needed i guess. really damn fat la. time to turn annorexic. basketball + shooting after that was freaking hilarious la omg. unglam. heng the school was so empty noone witnessed the things we did (: hehe. cheeros.

and train happenings never fails to amuse me. AHAHA. hey im not the only blur one who tells other people im reaching khatib when i actually just left sembawang. lol some other person did the EXACT same thing lor just that the stations are slightly different. so i guess its normal to NOT KNOW where you are when youre on the train. dont laugh. lol. then yilun calls to tell me about some weirdo dancing in the train. ahahhaa. nvm. its all good.

mmmmmmmm. would you lie with me and just forget the world?

i want my greys anatomy.. watch depressing shows to cure depression. ultimate paradox but it works.

sian

2006-09-03T14:30:00.000+08:00

not feeling too fantastic now. head is spinning. body numb. WAH LAU EH.

hopefully i wont be infected by the flu virus from my sis la... hahaha. shes only back for 2 days and i'll be damned if i caught the flu virus in such a short span. :S

unproductivity is plaguing me la wth. i spent 3 days trying to understand the friggin chem and bio topics. and mind you only TWO topics la. wtfffiak. im doomed la lol. save me save me save me.

sleeeepie.

depressed. TSK. TSSSSKKKK.

ok anyone wanna jog (or do whatever sports) wimme PLS ASK ME OUT. the perfect remedy for a depressed soul. TSK.

TSK

2006-09-01T12:03:00.000+08:00

super pissed that i typed half an entry and closed the browser accidentally. -_- lol.

ohwells. will not retype.

anws was talking to mel just now and she says i dun tell her stuffs. :X cus she practically recounted her life story to me during our trips to buy paint for our banners ( our banners were really nice btw =p ) and when she asked about mine i just say there's nothing to say (which is TRUE). lol. but duno lah. i feel quite bad. but ya sharing is not really in my vocab as ive made it pretty clearly. and there is truthfully nothing to share as well. hmmm.

in any case i still think mel's a good friend la. just abit sarcastic at times. hahahaha. ok understatement la but i think im influenced by her TSKS alr. lol.

erps. trust issues suck. ):

hmm. yesterday was quite a good day. finally saw some of the teachers and caught up with friends (: kranji days are seriously considered quite good la. at least there is effective communication with the majority. and i actually LIKE most of the teachers. compared to now when i am constantly bitching about all the teachers to everyone. hah.

ohwell... give me some time to reminisce.

eileen loh eileen (i miss calling her that ahahaha) if youre reading! org is still my crush! =p CARRRRRROT, ORRRRANGEEEE PINEAPPLE. hahaha. you SOOUD know what i mean right. LOL. haiyah i miss you all la (:

tsk

2006-08-24T20:50:00.000+08:00

hahahah just heard a mr brown podcast that cheered me up massively. :D damn funny i almost died. :P

oh well. was supposed to blog yesterday but blogger chose to die on me so how? haiya.. belated post makes me quite depressed. -grumbles.

anyways.. its such a miracle that i managed to survive yesterday to blog about it. haha. try having bio spa and friendly match at SIMEI on the same day. can kill the faint hearted pls. heh. but ya im glad that both dreadful events are over and done with. and its a good thing i dun feel too negative about either of them. hopefully i did ok. hmmmmm..

(:

listen to mr brown! and i hate schoooool...

sai.

2006-08-21T22:21:00.000+08:00

wah feeling damn emo. must be the training its fking tiring la my legs are numb and tired. resulting in a really weird mood that im having now.

i dont want any of you all to be sad. really. cus i care.

ohno bth i think i need to sleep before i say more to make a fool outta myself. eek.

booo.

2006-08-18T17:43:00.000+08:00

i know its good to be frank, but it doesnt mean that one should keep harping on the flaws. yes its all in good fun and everything. but it doesnt justify the tactless-ness. ohwell maybe its time to listen to mani and follow her advice of laughing off insults and not be so sensitive. take it like a pinch of salt. ....YAH. easier said than done.

and speaking of mani.... im reminded that bio spa is next week. and judging from current prac results. im really screeeeewed. lol. dont really see the point in studying. only thing i can do is to prayyyyy real hard and hope that she wont be such an ass and mark so strictly. let us REGURGITATE la. dont let the model answers that the bio dept prepared go to waste what. tsk. annoyed.

and yes i shall be indifferent to ALL my teachers. until they decide to stop calling me for answers. freaking annoying la to be stoning halfway and interrupted by them. lol. haiya...

oh man sian la. im quite afraid the negativity will come back all over again. just when im starting to settle in nicely. ugh bloody dejavu. hope it doesnt happen or that'll suck pretty bad.

haiya. whatever. i shall just wait and see and go to sleep. haha it rhymes:x

netball team bonding! (:

2006-08-12T23:47:00.000+08:00

today was by far the funnest(if there's such a word) day i can remember (:

woke up real early for the archery course with the netballers in the morning. was abit of a turnoff when i saw arthur lim but i guess everything turned out great cus he was missing most of the time (thank goodness). in any case! archery was damn fun la esp for hidden talents like us. lol. and the damn bow hit my arm duno how many times when i released the string(?).. on the same friggin spot pls. now its bruised haha. but ohwells it was fun.. :D

after archery went over too wooshirong's place to do some netball ppt slides. hahah. im the freerider as usual but i dun think they mind bah. and somehow. we ended up watching house of wax.. that mel was quite strongly against at first. but i guess she really didnt wanna watch silent hill that yilun so wanted to watch hahaha. freaking hilarious la considering how she actually hid the cd so we wouldnt watch some horror film :P

anyway its a sadistic show that sadists like me enjoy watching. but could have been better with more convincing effects in some scenes. aiya but it was damn funny leh i duno why i was like the only one laughing. and the most calm (as everyone puts it). haiyah... i guess im immune to disgusting stuffs after watching all kinds of gross shows like fear factor, nip tuck and the plastic surgeries thingy. wont really be too bothered by it unless its super painful or something that involves poking of eyes. lol

ohwells....

so basically this week had been ALL ABOUT pw and wr so it's nice to do something else for a change. lol. but yup i love my peeeedubdue groupmates to bits i think we're damn cool lol. and not forgetting my fellow netballteammates as well! =D

nat day.

2006-08-09T10:33:00.000+08:00

happy national day!

yay 3 day holiday. seems a lil evil to think only about holidays and disregarding the significance of independence day. ohwell i guess noone really reflects on the tough days in the past anymore. yes im one of them obviously.

maybe i should give myself a 6 day holiday and skip school on fri! lol.. it'll be good to miss a gp lesson every once in awhile. esp a freaking two hour lesson. ohmy its a disaster always. =p

this week has passed by like a blur. i dont really remember what happened. maybe im just too sleepy i duno. ya.. i need songs man. why did they ban downloading anyways! ugh.

i think i need some sleep tho i totally fell aslp at like 9? boo.

good week finally

2006-08-03T20:49:00.000+08:00

been MIA for about a week. which is quite rare la considering im quite an online addict. hoho.

anyway this has been a pretty good week. i think i finally found the feeling that had been misplaced for too long. and im glad. something tells me not put too much faith in this but i guess i'll go against instinct this time cus lets face it. its not everyday that i see hope in life. so i'll rather take it even if it means falling twice as hard when reality hits and the facade crumbles. when i find out that everything's a bloody lie. well thats just something we gotta face. its just a matter of time.

ok i wasnt supposed to sound whiny/angsty. i forgot. hahaha. this is what happens when youre pessimistic in nature. (:

ohwell as i was saying, this week had been great. tiring, but great. really enjoyed the good company. :D

hah. but sadly there's a difference between getting along and clicking. i think i'd still prefer my secondary schoolmates, cus they know me better.. in every aspect i think. well... one gets harder to know as they age. trust issues. hah. it gets harder to probe into their thoughts, especially if you dont know them too well. basic defence mechanism. see, cynicism isnt all that bad..

OOOKAY.

friendly match at simei yesterday was quite alright.. although i dreaded it la. haha. pre-match happenings were damn hilarious. esp the paranoia part. hahaha had a great laugh at our spasticity. lol (: but ya i guess i screwed up my passes and everything but overall it wasnt as bad as last time. haha. not that im proud of it la but experiencing improvement is always worth being happy about.

and mel actually said i played well. -_- haiya i think she must have seen wrongly. oh man i wun blame the team for being pissed off at me seriously. but they are nice so.. (:

and last night was the first time we stayed till so late since season ended. haha.

i miss the original '06 team. how we (ok maybe with the exception of me) used to slog during trainings. argh. and i havent seen the j2s for like how long. sigh.

but ohwells.. lets not ruin the moment with sad thoughts and look foward to a good closure to the week. cheers.

heh.

2006-07-27T22:12:00.000+08:00

i cant believe tmr's the end of the schooling day of the week alr. for the 5th time since school started in june.

looks like this term is speeding even faster than the last. and our first year in aj is coming to an end in no time. hah. once again thats not entirely bad..

so anyways... i think ive lost faith in everyone alr. nothing new but i guess this was the final straw. i dun really wanna give a damn about all those suckers anymore. gotta move on. at least thats the way it goes in this cut throat world.

but seriously i dun see whats the big deal luh. whatever happened to freedom of speech. ah to hell with all that BS thats hitting straight in my face. bleargh.

ohwells contemplating if i should go to school tmr. tmr is such a waste of time i dun see why i should wake up at all. then again i would liketa witness the investiture thing, should be quite a sight. so everything's quite fked up as you can easily see.

and my feet is hurting real bad i dun feel like walking to school.

so just gime a reason to go to school.

.....none? i expected it anyways.

haha.

2006-07-25T23:03:00.000+08:00

oh ok major revelation today.

*pause*

....people are so full of shit.

honestly.

so the only major thing thats bugging me right this instant is why it took so goddamn long for the truth to sink in and for me to finally believe that this is so.

cynicism at its best.

upset...again.

2006-07-22T16:44:00.000+08:00

i think i need someone to talk to.

maybe not emo talk or what cus im just not used to it. sharing is not in my vocab i think. ahaha. but good company is always appreciated. even if the conversation seems as if its going nowhere.. as long as its enjoyable.. i think it's good enough. sigh. but ya.. havent really felt anything for a long time. stupid.

i miss those times.. mmmmhmmm.

i realise my entries sound damn whiny 90% of the time. luckily not many people visit this blog or it'll really be quite unglam. d=

its days like these (which is almost everyday) that make me feel damn be che and wanna go to sleep. lol.. upset lah...

i think this isnt helping. i should go find my EoM article. and do some productive work so i'll be happy again.

and i really dun see why ms ma wanna meet my parents when i passed everything. tsk

oh ya and i missed ifd last night cus i woke up late. ahaha. well on one hand its damn sad that i missed a potentially fun night but on the other i just dunwanna care anymore. i mean everything's changed and as ive put it quite plainly i really hate changes (unless it is super good changes or what) so its not worth it. heh. hate to see the person im morphing into as well.

oh well. as they say it so nicely, change is CONSTANT. paradoxically.

finally!

2006-07-20T22:12:00.000+08:00

lol. today's rating jumped from boring to like the happiest day based on just ONE indcident. ahaha. i think im getting obsessed again HOW.

but it was good finally getting to have a proper conversation with him after duno how many years. :D i guess he hasnt really changed alot. still so blur lol. but yah i realised that ive good superb memory when it comes to remembering incidents! even he was quite impressed ahaha. yuh sadly this does not apply to studies which is damn sian. bah.

lalalala. i regret changing my pcme combi alot more now. boo.

ohwells on the bright side staying might not do me much good too there's always two sides to the damn story.

mmmm.

sigh. hope things would stay the same. i cant stand changes so everything should stay a bloody constant. for now i hope that we'll continue to grow closer to one another and perhaps i'll feel the spirit again like i felt 3 months ago. i really hope to.

but hope, dangles on a string.

project spanish

2006-07-18T23:14:00.000+08:00

right this moment, im supposed to be doing my pw research. or chem tutorial. or math holiday assignment. or countless gp homework. or bio qsn. or anything ELSE other than blogging/chatting/friendstering.

hahaha.

so.. mel and i officially set up our club whose aim is (i think) to provide an avenue for us to ogle at cute spanish guys lah. lol. it's called PROJECT SPANISH (name given by me, sounds quite cool at first glance but you'd realise it's a little gramatically wrong la wth. must revise it man..) haha. and we set impossible requirements for membership which makes recruitment abit tricky. but nvm ahahaha. its fun.

oh ya did i mention im the queen of THE club. hahaha so random la....

mmmm. so yup trainings have become quite tolerable or even enjoyable (despite the really horrible muscle strain on my thighs) cus of our crazy antics. esp the photowhoring part! wah lau so many silly poses, can faint you know!! =p lol. but ya.. all in good fun (:

we must do this more often!

ok getting HAPPY for no reason again. ahahaah. let me do depressing things like researching for pw articles to neutralise this mood. lol.

im outta here.

fucked up.

2006-07-12T22:56:00.000+08:00

this is so demoralising i duno what to say.

i feel like shyte now.. or maybe slightly worse than that. gahhhhhh.

today was quite a bad day overall. i think i havent truely had a good day ever since stepping into aj. ah fuck this is so pathetic. mooonemmaaafeeii. wtf.

ohwells the bulk of all the frustration's gotta be from the underperformance of everything. arghhh i forsee many more scoldings from coach in time to come lol. i really dunno wtf's wrong wimme. i cant seem to buck up/be confident no matter how hard i try! thats crap pls. i think if i dun brush up soon i might be kicked out of the squad just like that. tmd that will seriously hurt my non existent ego lah wth.

TAMADE!

yes im so pissed off at myself right now i actually think i deserve the nagging shoulder ache thats been bothering me for so long. kanasai.

hopefully those that i hope should stay would stay, or i'll really not know what to do. but sadly things seem more than a little bleak now... eff eff eff efff efffing eff.

emo emo emo emo.

what if everyone whom you view as a good friend appears to feel the same way abt you cus they're obliged to and they'll feel bad if they dont, and not because they really feel close to you? i duno, but i have a bad feeling about this. all the pretense.. hypocrisy. paranoia. its making me quite cynical. hopefully true friends who actually care do exist but at this point in time i really doubt it.

guess theres noone to trust. sad, innit. wtf.

and yes im making a mental note not to disappoint/piss others off with my worse than shyte skills. ahhhhh damn emo pls help!

sucks

2006-07-11T22:35:00.000+08:00

waddafarc. my shoulder hurts so freaking much i wanna shoot myself and die pls. i think the guasa thing made it worse although my mum claims that it'll help.. ohwell its bothering me more than ever.

might be going to see the sinseh soon so hopefully everything will heal nicely and i wun have to lay off sports too long cus i really duwanna mess up my game plan. like i said sports is my life.. literally cant live without it, although i might be quite lazy sometimes to run.

but ohwell i think ultimately everything boils down to determination and competitiveness. we should have a threshold for productive pain.. so we SHOULD endure. :D guess i have to work on it then.

ah anyways saw kranjians on tv (some competition on creativity) just now ahahah. mmmm miss the school quite abit but cant help it that it's had its fair share of changes as well. i wonder if it'll feel the same or not if i go back sometime. hah only time will tell.

in any case my muscle is aching from training ytd. ahaha looks like ive been slacking way too much ya but no worries will work on fitness as well. but ya sad to say the soya bean milk didnt work on me as well. sigh!

say it after me: no pain no gain. wah lau!

jb trip

2006-07-09T15:49:00.000+08:00

hahha was supposed to do alot of gp stuffs this weekend but once again it has turned out to be a really slack week.

went to JB yesterday and it was quite fun although there werent much to shop. haha. but well i guess my mum had fun saving money cus things in msia were just so cheap! bleargh singapore goods are so damn overpriced. tsk.

but it was so funny that we seemed quite lost in another country. ahahaha. cant help it luh.

oh yah we ate a super lot ytd omg. fatttts. swensons waffle is damn nice i like (: and dinner was great! all the dishes were damn nice pls. i miss the butter sotong, hotplate tofu and kangkong alr. ahaha. yummy. forgot to get the sandwich from dunkin donuts again sigh. nvm shall force sis to get it for me next time =D ahaha. (:

and finally my aircon is fixed. (: but its raining now so it isnt as hawt as before. aiya cant run again luh so the fats shall remain ):

lalalalal anyways tonight shall be great cus its wimbledon finals nadal against federer! ahahahah who would've thought nadal would get into the finals! omg. ok hopefully he wins so federer would just admit defeat. bleargh.

cant wait! (:

i love our slum =P

2006-07-06T11:39:00.000+08:00

yesterday was quite a good day lol. talking (nonsense) is quite enjoyable ((:

so me mel and shirong were like 3 homeless people sitting at the wall near the netball court. ahhaha. they laughed at me when i made the drug addict pose so mean! ahaha. but ohwells it did look more like a shitting pose luh. actually i would have made a much more convincing demonstration of a drug addict but shall not be too unglam ahaha.

so yup, we just talked and laughed and did silly things like walking up and down the stupid pe dept for duno how many times. i hope the hockey peeps didnt think we were stalking them or smth because we arent. heh. and AJ is really lacking in places for chilling out. seriously. esp when so many rooms were taken up for the career fair thing that made the selection for good places to stone even fewer. tsk.

ah anw after that ran with xiaoqian 2.4! ahaha. she runs so fast but i think the pace was still considered slow for her! :P aiyo pls pass me the running/stamina genes to get me thru the rest of the trainings leh... aiyai.. but it was good lah. although i was trailing quite alot twds the last 150m or so when she sprinted to the finish. hee.

but ya i think my stamina/speed has DECREASED! )): hopefully i wun screw up the interhouse netball thingy luh or that'll really suck. i need motivation.. or some form of reassurance. sigh the lack of confidence persist. so sucky i cant stand it.

i duno why but i cant make myself do better! grrrr. i think it is really starting to piss people off, and most certainly myself. bleargh i need to buck up alr.. but wasnt that what i've been promising myself since march?

this is so depressing ):

maybe i need someone to talk to but i shall not. hehe. independence is gUUd. :P

dammit.

2006-07-05T00:22:00.000+08:00

so....

i died today.

lol trying hard not to think about the disappointments (i still think i did pretty decently but the results say otherwise) but failing miserably, just as in the case of my pathetically graded cts. ahaha. let's not go into these depressing stuffs.

well plenty more action in days to come, definitely. so maybe i'll die another day. hohoho.

ok so this week's supposed to be a short and sweet week with holidays scattered throughout but somehow it turned out to be a pretty packed one. have no idea why but i seem to have alot of things to do. ohwell on the bright side at least i wun be too bored ya, thats a guud thing. ((:

so sleepie! and bored!

blearrgghhh the withdrawal symptoms kinda suck but i'll get thru it FAST. hopefully.

i am so hungry! but if thats what it takes to burn fats i dun mind ahahaha.

350am.

2006-07-01T03:51:00.000+08:00

second post in less than 5 hours. but its a new day alr so im not blogging too excessively am i? hehe.

350am now and my shoulder hurts like i duno what. latenights (or early mornings) make me feel super depressed. its so quiet out there i dun feel like scaring myself tho.

ah hungry hungry hungry. but i shouldnt eat. must be DETERMINED. if i eat now i'll go to sleep and wake up FATTER than i alr am now. no good.

huuuuuurrrrs im so sad now! for no particular reason really. and noone's online i duno why. hahaha ok im talking nonsense of course noone's online la its 4 in the morn! :S

so i guess i should just go to sleep huh. nights diary.

oh man so hawt! wth

2006-06-30T23:24:00.000+08:00

is it just me, or is the weather super BLOODY HAWT. roarrrrr.

i wonder if anybody noticed that it hasnt rained in like a gazillion years.. so unlike april-may when it rained almost everyday, just when we didnt really want it to rain. tsk. so annoying! wrong place, wrong time.

pls rain now rain now rain nowwwwww. singapore is actually an oven in disguise. roar.. global warming and its stupid effects. pls be an environmentalist like me lahhhhh people. tsk.

-glares.

ohwell on a lighter note watching scary movie 3 on youtube is quite fun(ny). hahaha. the story line (or lack of it) is just so.. hilarious. parodies tickle my funny bone more than anything else hoho. ((:

:D

wth im so bored. must be the organic chem notes that ive been trying to read all afternoon. hahahaha if you consider staring at it and getting bored and then going to sleep and expect everything to diffuse into my brain as reading, that is. hahahah. i am so hardworking dammit! :P

but seriously the weather is killing me.

damn free

2006-06-28T23:48:00.000+08:00

so.. my common test ended as abruptly as it started. thanks to the awful combinations of two VERY content based papers in one day. :S and i officially have nothing to do till tuesday when school starts. ok maybe i still have to rush thru GP commentaries and essays. and my annoying PW things. blearrgh. kinda sucks but hey, ima enjoy first. ((:

but ohwells basically the CTs was quite bad for me luh. nuff said, i think everyone shares the same sentiments. -nods. although bio was surprisingly not as horrible as mani made out to be. i think she was trying to scare us. and either push us to study harder or discourage us from studying. either way lah. anws should be able to pass... hopefully. (: hehehe better dun say so loudly, cus i tend to fail those papers i find ok. AHAHA. and afterall i did shade like NINE random choices for mcqs without even reading the questions cus i didnt have time to complete. HAHA. very clever. =X

hopefully i'll pass everything. that'll be a good morale booster seriously, considering my grades have been in worse shape than sai since school started. and that is quite a feat i must say, cus it's seriously quite ulu to screw up everything like that.

and anwsssss the weather is so damn hot pls! singapore is a gigantic oven lah so hot! stupid CO2 emitters (im not referring to normal innocent people like us who breathe lah silly) should go to hell. OR CUT DOWN EMISSIONS DAMMIT. stop trapping heat like that its killllllling us! bahhh.

indianapolis grand prix this sunday (or monday morning singapore time) is gonna rock. ahahhaa i would love to see how the crowd reacts after the disasterous race last year. hawhawhaw. anticipation yay! ((:

mmmm i feel so weird not having to study. HARHAR. ohman why am i even complaining. ok whatever i need to go iceskate soon cus i need to cool down. HAWHAW. (:

die.

2006-06-24T22:22:00.000+08:00

AH i was so naive to think that i would be able to finish up my bio hol assignment in a day. how was i to know that there'll be 5 20mark essays to do! and i totally missed out the mcq part. help. hahaha. ohwell at least i finished the structured qsns.. bah this is bad.

moral of story: dun underestimate the cruelty of teachers who will not hesitate to sneak in 5 essay qsns and PLS DUN overestimate your abilities. and oh check the contents of holiday hw before you decide to leave it to last minute. and last minute work is NOT GOOD AT ALL as proven all too many times. blearrrghh.. lol.

):

HURRR oh no pre school/common test anxiety AT FULL FORCE NOW. wah lau i feel so unprepared. and thanks to my great procrastination skills i have like super lot to do for GP. heh. try 4 mindmaps, 1 essay correction, research and about 26 freaking newspaper commentaries!!! hoho. ive come to a point where luck isnt a necessity anymore. i need PEOPLE. to help me do my work. or bless me with super good multitasking skills and madness english standards i might just be able to pull it off. (:

ok i think i need to go complete my bio. omg i have so much to do i dunwan school to start!!! anws is it me or is time speeding past like nobody's business? i swear it was like yesterday when i went for my first holiday training lor. wah lau.. and i havent played nor study much (like many other people) this holiday lor.. just been.. stoning all the way. bleahhh. and school (or exams -pukes) is starting in like.. 30 hrs time pls help.

make time stop. ):

you then ugly la -_-

2006-06-19T00:33:00.000+08:00

reading 'celeb' blogs are quite annoying really. esp if they think that they are super coolio and powderful and whatnot. sometimes i think they should just SHUT IT. or at least watch what they say. -_-

then at the end of everything they'll just put this stupid disclaimer which i find so senseless and contradictory and expect readers to feel guilty for being so outraged. errr. ok lor, i'll try to.. mmmm... eh nahhhh i guess not.

then there's this shit abt "i know im not prettaayeee/(insert anything desirable) but guess what i can talk bad about whoever i want cus I CAN. and by whoever i mean fellow singaporeans. ohmy. so... -_-. yah i admit im not a huge fan of some singaporeans too but not because they are UGLY. omg -hangs myself-

and then there are the pics too. HAHAHA. it is quite hilarious if you ask me.. -shakes head-

so anw i duno why im blogging abt this so pls enlighten me. -_-

ohman this is such a waste of time. havent done anything productive for the entire freaking 3 weeks of holidays. i think i really need alot of luck, if not a miracle for my cts. bah. nevertheless i'll still try to achieve my insane targets. hey no harm trying right.. grrrrr.

for a start i should start reading my econs which i have totally left out in my study plans (if any). omg there's so much to do.. wheres the motivation!!! blearrrghhh.

ok. no time to waste. time for bed. lol.

stalker

2006-06-18T01:52:00.000+08:00

lol. i think i wanna go stalk somebody. the very handsome sommmebody. the very cute somebody. the sixpacked (hopefully lol) somebody! ((:

OMG. he's hot hot hot.

ohwellll that was quite random and vague. haha but thats for me to know and for you to find out! ((:

anws something more random, i just realised my short jc life up till now had been full of regrets. alota mistakes made i guess. how do i move on? hmmm.. food for thought. lol see la, the effects of the lack of sleep.

wah i am so sleepy! and a lil hungry hhahaha. but NO i am not gonna snack! grrrr. it's 2 in the morn and im struggling to stay awake. and STUDY. wth. my life is so deprived pls.

next week will be better i guess. but hopefully back to back outings wouldnt do anymore harm to my already dying studies. blearghhh. i am way behind my plans. teeehee what can i say man.

ok i shall continue my great stalking plans! -SCREAMS and drools. (*(: -the asterisk is supposed to be my drool btw lol!

overplayed songs.

2006-06-15T23:01:00.000+08:00

even the nicest songs can become super annoying when they are overplayed. im so sad to find myself cringing when i heard for you i will like 3 times in 1 hour, on two radio stations dammit. mofo. it used to be my fav song. oh ok not exactly fav but you get my drift.

and it isnt half as bad if you are the one who's overplaying it. but sadly some silly radio stations has to do the job for you.

anyways. am supposed to be doing gp/chem questions right now. or at least read through those damn notes. hohoho. this is quite sad. multitasking isnt really my style ya.

ERRRR ant infestation in my room AGAIN. wtf.i dont usually eat in my room what.... mofooohhhh. i just hope that one day insects would become extinct. hopefully noone will try to protect them cus really they arent worth it. considering how much they terrorise people like me. EEKS.

let's start the anti insect campaign!!! i can take the lead! (:

seriously insects are so eeky. yesterday i was just minding my own business and suddenly one ugly bug flew in and scared the shit outa me. so uncalled for right?! wahlau i almost died i think. :S

ok i think i ought to do my SUPER overdue chem bonding and chem energetics tutorial. and not to mention my 20 over newspaper commentaries. omg how to find so many newspaper cuttings! -grumbles. ohwell in any case i must do well for my cts! hopefully. hmph.

ehhh. =x

2006-06-10T00:36:00.000+08:00

so its federer vs nadal this sunday for the championship.. it's all good.

in a rather pissy mood now after watching the nadal-ljubicic match. seriously. ljubicic is such a sore loser with no class at all. bah. mofofofofomofomofo. face it lah there was no way he was gonna win so why wont he just take it to his stride and show some sportsmanship albeit the disappointment. but no he just shows off how annoying he is. heh.

ohwell.

omg i feel so fat right now i cannot stand it hehe. i need to run man..

2nd week of holidays is almost coming to an end.. i guess i must get my engine going and start working my butt off for the CTs. baaaah that hardly sounds exciting but no choice lah. must kick some serious butt! ((: hurhurssss... but how to when im constantly suckered into watching the tv shows.. ughhh..

so sleepy. oh gonna get shoes tmr, like FINALLY. hehs.. both my cross trainers now are currently in a pathetic state with the soles flapping or falling off.

ok being easily pissed off at this point in time means that it's prolly not a good time to talk to me. but NO my mum has to pick now to scold me. i mean if its my fault then i'd most likely shut up and stay angry lah but NO LOR it was totally uncalled for. wtf. i duno why but im always accused of commiting all the wrong things when in fact im just minding my own business, not even doing anything. -_-. well done lah. heh. now im officially mad at the whole world.

GO AND DIE PLS! =X

eating disorder??

2006-06-06T22:46:00.000+08:00

here's my conversation with mum a few days ago (loosely translated from mandrin).

mum: what did you have for lunch today?
me: oh. bubble tea lor. i was damn full!
mum: HUH. only bubble tea ah. why skip lunch AGAIN (now where did that come from?). dun become annorexic hor i tell you. it's not a laughing matter ok...
me: o_O *too shocked for words*

lol. wtf is with my mum and her annorexic theories!!!! aiyo... just cus her friend's daughter is annorexic doesnt mean that anyone who skips a meal is annorexic as well la pls. hehe.

plus. i am as UN-ANNOREXIC as it gets lor pls. i eat so damn much which explains my weight gain sigh sigh sigh. tsk. depressing issues.

and in my defence i didnt like, skip lunch for nothing lor. firstly its cus the nyp food junction is so packed i dun feel like eating. secondly there was not much time left cus i had to go for econs lecture after that. thirdly i am just so full. -_-///

oh welllll. ((:

so sleeeeeeeepie. i wanna marry a spanish guy. -nodssss. (((: first i must go learn spanish. yeapppp.

ugh my table is infested with ants dammit. shouldnt have left the sweet on my table BLEAHHHH!!! i hate hate hate hate hate insects so they should just do me a favour and get the heck away from my sight or risk getting squashed.

oh squash. speaking of which im reminded of my enthusiasm in squash. its so fun!! but super super tiring. especially if you dun usually exercise your arm and thigh muscles. hahah. but no worries jelly arms and legs feels quite cool also =p

mofo.

2006-06-04T11:31:00.000+08:00

i wanted to blog about my iceskating trip on fri but blogger decided to die on me. ): haiyooohhh.

anywaysss. iceskating is fun but when there are thousands of kids around.. fun becomes SCARY. omg. as if i wasnt unbalanced enough, still had to look out for kids zooming past me. bah. and it doesnt help that some school decides to bring their kids to iceskate for some school trip i presume? wah lau. damn mofofofo. the whole rink was full of scary kids. :S

was watching the nadal match yesterday against some french guy and it was like 5 hours of frustration pls. =.= i think i almost died watching it. the french crowd is DAMN ANNOYING pls. yah i know they wanna support their homeboy but i really think they crossed the line. so childish no class at all lor! and it doesnt help that the linesmen keep making mistakes. i duno how much they get paid but hopefully its not alot cus they are not doing their jobs. -_-

i still wanna be the ballkid. heheh. quite easy lah their job just pick up the balls.. hold the umbrella. give the players their towels. DAMN SHIOK LOR ((:

hurs.. i just realised next week will be damn boring. i dunwanna go for lectures!!!!!! ugggggggh i dun understand why we're rushing the syllabus when we're like. quite ahead alr. i think some schools still havent start math induction and we're like... rushing differentiation. no sense of priority one leh the sch. mofo.

oh yah i set some ridiculous targets for myself for the midyr common tests when i was damn energetic after my nap. hehe.

i plan to achieve.... at least B for math and GP and C for everything else. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA. omg. wish me luck?

pls lah my math grade is consistently at borderline D. chem is consistently at E. bio fluctuates from A to O depending on the difficulty of the test (hahahaha omg). econs errrrr not sure but not very promising. so yah. i think i need ALOT of luck :S

i want to drink wine. :P

huh.

2006-06-01T22:26:00.000+08:00

one word. chilled. heh.

uneventful day. actually the whole week had been horribly uneventful unless you count the outburst i had yesterday. haha. that was such a reputation spoiler but ohwells.. not a very good reputation to begin with. so there.

was watching snippets of singapore idol yesterday and today GASP. i cant believe im actually considering watching sg idol after condemning it till no end last year. but no worries, i doubt im gonna change my opinion of the suckiness of singapore idol cus seriously, they CANNOT sing. im not kidding.

the only guy who has a relatively (yes relatively ONLY) non-disgusting voice was probably paul twohill, but he needs fashion advice hahaha. gothic look and braces and 3doorsdown dont go well together im sorry. hah. and i cannot believe jonathan leong is so popular. hmmmmmm. ohwell.

yah well i guess the only reason im watching the show is cus one of the top 28 contestants was my primary schoolmate. wanna hear her sing and hopefully she'll do GMPS proud hehe. ((: i just realised that two of my pschmates who went to tanglin sec are like, famous now. hah. one is of course geraldine lah who made it to sg idol and the other is kero (yes the controversial people: colin and kero). ahaha so surreal pls. :S i have celebrity friends! ok maybe not since we dont talk anymore. but still...

hmm its things like these that make me reminisce the psch days. hah. things are hardly the same anymore, yet its not uncommon to dwell on it. ohwell. better not brood over this for too long. we must look ahead. heh. but i tend to look back and thats not good.

hah. time is speeding by like nobody's business. better hold on to it before it slips away. -nods.

pissed off

2006-05-31T12:37:00.000+08:00

ok im so fucking pissed off right now that im not even gonna bother to stop the profanities that are coming out of my mouth. or in this case my fingers since im typing. ahahaha not funny ok. wtf.

since when has recording tv shows for you become my full time job. it's not ok. i dun get paid or anything do i? fuck it i dont even fucking hear a word of thanks.. not even once pls. but it's alright... cus im watching the shows anyway. so i just treat it like im doing everybody a favour. im not even trying to sound like im noble here ok. fuck. im just FUCKING PISSED OFF OK. so pissed that i cant stop the angry tears. WTF.

yah reading that entire paragraph makes me sick la. i feel like im so fucking petty and childish. getting pissed off by some trivial issues. but its more than that ok. this just makes me think. what am i to everybody? i feel like what ive done is so fucking un-appreciated that it's not funny anymore. heh. it's not just about recording shows. its about.. everything. people just take me for granted. like whatever that i do is expected of me. WTF WHAT DO YOU ALL TAKE ME FOR. fuck.

so now im just so bloody annoyed and there you are enjoying yourself. ok fine. maybe next time we wont even talk anymore. and it's not gonna be my fault. hah. what goes around comes around.

arrrrrgh somebody pls stop meeeeeeeeeeeeee. its like the frustration ive been feeling for the past few months has finally imploded. or exploded. hah. maybe its not all that bad. at least now i know not to be too nice. so yah thanks for reminding me to be MORE NONCHALENT ok. hahahha. yah thats right im gonna be more fucking annoying than ever.

although i know nobody'll be reading this i just wanna let anyone who does read this know that you all shouldnt do too much. or it becomes YOUR JOB. hah. thats a fucking joke. UGH.

as if i havent been tired physically and mentally already. thanks for the 'GRATITUDE'. really. as if i havent had enough. bah..

i think i might need a glass of wine.

tv day

2006-05-28T23:38:00.000+08:00

oh man i cant believe i closed the wrong browser and now i have to retype my entry! ROARRR haiyah im gonna showcase my summary skills la cus im too lazy to retype everything.

basically today was such an unproductive day. i spent my whole day (ok minus 2 hours cus i was taking a nap) watching tv. how good is that! i must have set a personal record or smth... i even watched ridiculous shows that wasnt remotely nice lah. aiyo. then i got too tired and went to sleep, which was not a very good choice cus i wanted to go for my evening jog!!! but i totally overslept la tsk.

oh yah ive started my dieting alr ((: hahaha. but i am DAMN HUNGRY now.

anyways as i was saying before i accidentally closed my browser (sulks).. today was a bad day for those sports team/people that i support. hmph. detriot lost!! yah i know thruout the game it didnt really look promising for them cus they were trialing the whole way but they did catch up lor! then they threw the whole game away lah so poooonemaheianem can. i was like OMG so boring. -_-

f1 was equally disappointing lah. first part was alright cus everyone was so close to each other. then kimi's engine HAD TO CATCH FIRE :S:S:S and that handed alonso his victory lah.. major -_-//////. hehs.

pissed off.

hahah i am very very very very hungry.. save me.

on a totally random note i think that the new (black) spiderman outfit is damn cool. cant wait for spiderman 3 to premere! (:

errrr ok

2006-05-27T01:26:00.000+08:00

it didnt exactly feel like the last day of the term today. its weird that im not feeling too holiday-ish. hahaha or am i alr in holiday mood for too long? =p ohwells.

pre common test anxiety. i really dread the common tests man.. and mani's comment on the difficulty of the bio paper isnt too comforting to hear. err i dont get it. is letting us know about how tough the paper is gonna spur us on? seriously it just makes me wanna give up on the whole fking subject altogether. hehs. failures and borderline passes for everything else isnt helping too. gahhh..

and i think im starting to piss people (teachers) off. erps. today was a classic example of rudeness to teacher lah.. ahahaha. but i couldnt help it la. i mean i stand firm in what i believe so the loud YAHHHH was justified =D

hopefully my conduct wouldnt be too bad since i alr have like a SILVER for napfa.. cant possibly suffer another round of ego attack lol. -_-// yes yes the bitterness. :S

oh yah nowadays i keep seeing dead animals. hmmmm i duno what it means but cant be good right. ughhh its so annoying seeing a flattened cat when i cross the road. and a dead crow at the sidewalk when im jogging. or the lower body of a mynah?? (cant really tell since half the body is like, missing) on the ground. disgusting stuff.

haiyah i think i need to talk to somebody. anybody. so if anyone's online at unearthy hours pls msg me.. i'll be more than willing to talk heee.. hmmmmmm!

diet

2006-05-24T22:13:00.000+08:00

man i need to stop eating. lols. when input is greater than output.. haha go figure. arrrgh but yah ive been running quite alot lately. hopefully it'll burn some fats and my stamina will improve .

sports = life. (:

the radio is fking annoying pls. !@$%#

oh no im thinking of food again ahahaha. thats so depressing. oh man. the thought of bring 2 bloody HUGE files to school tmr is killing me la. hah. should have just left those damned files in school. depression depression.

ohwell sleeping rocks! like totally. took a 3hr nap today lah.. which is quite rare for a weekday... feels kinda weird without trainings but yah im not complaining. its not everyday i get to reach home before the sun sets.

ok its 1026 and im hungry. ohhhh project runway! lol at least i remembered... (:

screw the diet. im off to find food. :D

oh man.

2006-05-21T23:15:00.000+08:00

im so fking tired. mentally. physically.

i know ive been whining damn alot esp for the past few entries. but i guess i have the liberty to do so lah so YAHH.

ohwells. first things first.. i need to say that ive not been me for the past 8 weeks. i know ive been like ANNOYINGLY quiet/unenthu/introvert/(insert anything remotely related to autism) all this while and its damn frustrating to talk to me la. i cannot understand why also. but then i guess its really not in my nature to be loud. hah. but no worries im sure i'll break out of it soon enough. hopefully =D

i am hard to understand i know. hehhh.

sooooo. my long overdue resolution of the year : STOP BEING ANNOYING. hahaah. seriously.

speaking of overdued things.... i havent done my chem and bio tutorial. i am SO DEAD. :S ohwellssssss.

but on a brighter note this weekend had been real slack (guilty guilty....). i think im asleep more than im awake la. hehe. so im (kinda) well rested but my neck is stiff. damn pain la i cant turn my neck! !@!$@#^^. can i not go to school tmr? :S

champions :D

2006-05-18T21:48:00.000+08:00

NO TIME FOR LOSERS CUS WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS..... OF THE WORLDDDDDDD!!!!

lol. well done vballers. i just had the feeling that aj will emerge VICTORIOUS muahaha. so i wasnt particularly worried when aj suffered some hiccups here and there halfway thru the match.. oh wells. so yah... anyways theres bball match tmr! hope they win as well. ((:

ajc = champions. hahahah

hmmm.. wonder how it would feel like if we had gone on to the finals as well.. argh let's not talk about it.. heh. bitter pills....

geeeez. thing's been pretty much the same for me. hah. i wonder when i'll be completely numb from all the pain and shit thats heading in my bloody direction. and i wonder when i'll ever stop whining about every bloody thing. HAAA. but honestly i need a change of luck. for reals. ASAP. and my head hurts so frigging much...

hahhhhhh. i need to eat. and sleep. my favourites. =D

CANNOT SILVER!

2006-05-15T22:55:00.000+08:00

ughhhhh for the first time in my life im getting SILVER (bloody silver) for napfa. omg this is bad. bruised ego now heh..

it wouldnt hurt as much if i had missed gold by alot. but by ONE freaking inclined pull up....? I DONT THINK SO. erp. theres no way im swallowing this bitter pill so ya.. i must go for retest! hmphhhh. wahhhh i am so pissed.. and to think i still stretched like crazy (my thigh was burning after that lol) for my sit and reach and got a borderline C (hehe) and then got D for IPU. i can die plsssssssssssssssssss all my efforts wasted!!!!!

but i dun feel like repeating the 5 stations..... omg depression )):

ohwellll.. that was such an unnecessary display of emotions. but man i need to RANT!!@!#@%@@%^

hurhurs. on a totally different issue i think people are just so full of pretense. hah. sad innit. all the hypocrisy.. idiocy. man i duno what to say. i mean why bother to ask about anything if the sense of hatred is there? theres no need to act like you all care, cus frankly i dun give a damn. im sorry but maybe im that selfish. i just look out for people i care about and sadly you people dun fall into that category. so YAH.

maybe its the lack of understanding, i duno. i can guarantee your twisted opinions will change if you all took the time to find out more, but you all dont. so dun blame us for that. its due time you all stopped dissing us esp IN FRONT OF OUR FACES WTH. and its sure as hell time we got the respect we deserve. all the stereotypics are driving me crazy :S

ohwell lets not talk abt maddening things.. teehee. stayed up till like 3 yesterday watching nadal vs federer. lol... what can i say. federer's gotta admit that the better man won, not because of some nonsense reason that he isnt playing well thats why he lost. ahhaaha utter BS la. nadal alr won him 5 times i think... so.. uh. ya. hahaha. (:

hmmm?

2006-05-14T23:03:00.000+08:00

im online and blogging excessively. very distracted. that's not a good thing.

this long weekend has proven to be as unproductive as ever. heck i dont even remember what i did the past 3 days. possibly some thinking, tho not much. lolssss. not productive thinking anyways. falling back back back. hopefully i can pick myself up before commmon tests lol. if not i'll be screwed la pls.

my homework is still waiting. and im letting it wait. irresponsibility..

sometimes i duno what to feel. these changing situations are really starting to piss me off. just tell me what i have to do. tell me. i cant stand all the nonsense im getting. stop it already. but of course... maybe im at fault too. maybe i didnt get involved as much as i should thats why im getting all the shit. but ohwellsss im sorry i couldnt express myself better. :S

give me novacaine. ahaha. that'll probably do me some good. numbing effects and stopping the pain would be nice.

today's run wasnt good either. pace wasnt half as fast and distancewise was pathetic. the 'dont give up' shit didnt work today how sad. my legs were hurting like mad thruout. but thats besides the point. we all should have a threshold for productive pain... ohwell i guess one's mentality is really important.. if you dun believe in yourself everything would just go down the fking drain. ahhhh needless to say i was pissed at myself for everything lah. tsk

so ya.. pls give me a reason to continue.

just keep running.

2006-05-13T01:11:00.000+08:00

yay. i intensified today's run (not much tho) and im glad to have finished it anyway. (: ego booster i guess. maybe next time i'll go at a relatively fast pace for 4 rounds without stopping.. we'll see how it goes.

but yeah i'll go slow and steady for now. no rush here although ms tan has made it very clear that we'll be starting our 4km run really soon. haha.. i need some serious conditioning i guess, seeing as im not as fit as i ought to be. ohwells i'll have plenty of time for that. (;

seriously i hope to improve asap. dunwanna be lagging behind when the time comes. but arrrgh my legs arent exactly cooperating. but yahhh i prolly brought all that to myself since i dun STRETCH heh. hate it when BOTH my calves tense up like mad when im barely halfway through. its not a fantastic feeling i assure u.

and its tough when giving up is not an option. hahhh but thankfully i managed to suppress it well enough to keep me going. it's annoying when your muscles are screaming for you to stop but ur heart says no. when the muscles are burning and all you think of is keep going. well that was what i felt today luh. till my legs felt like it couldnt support my weight anymore. and when i stopped i almost wished i didnt. took awhile for me to walk properly. hah. that certainly says smth about my fitness huh :S

weakness la. mr pang said i didnt have confidence. hahah i couldnt agree more la. my confidence is running short in supply lately and i cant help it. hah. hopefully it gets rebuilt soon enough.

i love coldplay's sad songs. (:

sleep deprived.

2006-05-12T00:12:00.000+08:00

hmmm i realised that the radio is playing old songs after like. 1 hour. hahaha. yes i am that slow.

im tired. and hungry. though i took a 4 hour nap till 10pm today and ate just 2 hours ago. ahahahhha. talk about being piggggy. :X haiyahhhh i am sleep deprived!!!

this week had been quite busy i guess. hanging out at esplanade or marina square foodcourt till unearthly hours (for a schoolday) like 10pm feels nice. talking does help us deal with our losses la. and somehow i just feel grateful for everything lah. (:

we're down, but not out.

on another note my stomach hasnt been too fantastic today. hopefully it'll be better tmr.

ahhhh im supposed to be doing math. ): another broken promise i guess.

more sad than depressed. heh.

2006-05-06T15:06:00.000+08:00

omg i doubt my mood will ever lift again. honestly. i dont see a point in doing so when it is quite obvious that it'll spiral down again after some short-lived happiness. call it PMS. but guess what. I DONT THINK SO.

this is perpetual depression i tell you. arrrgh what has 2006 done to me. last year was such a good year.........

stangely enough this horrid feeling is masked when i am around people. hah. and no im not putting up a fasle front.. i duno. i think talking helps. even if it's a truckload of nonsense. cus talking robs me of any ability to think. and thats not entirely a bad thing.

i guess its hard to deal with the aftermath of yesterday. ive seen and heard alot - too much. this kinda things sets me thinking man. questions with no answers kept popping everywhere. and its miserable just thinking. i dont know where i stand. i dont know if im wasting my time. i dont know if its all POINTLESS. i really dont know...

sometimes people say alot of things when they dun understand.. and i get that quite alot. its tough.. but all i can do is fake a smile and shrug it off. and its getting quite tiring. and pointless.

haha. so whiny.

ok i dont know how to proceed. someone pls tell me what to do. :S

sad?

2006-05-05T23:20:00.000+08:00

oh man. today must be the weirdest day ever. ok maybe not a weird day. rather a weird mood day, if there is such a thing.

honestly its bad enough going to school only for gp, but to find out that theres a b-l-o-o-d-y gp test... man, that is NOT a good way to start the day off. hah. i dun like unpleasant surprises. RAWWRRR. :X

then yah.. the match. sigh. it was so painful for me watching them cry and knowing that nothing i say will ever help. i mean. we are not on the same level to begin with. words from my mouth will definitely come out wrong so yah. but in any case.. i really gave in all that i could. very limited i know. but still. haiyahhhhh. im in too weird a mood to be thinking rationally alr.

but ohwells one thing's for sure : we're definitely not giving up right! this is not the end of us, it's just an obstacle. nothing great. we'll persevere and come out stronger. yup. i believe we can do it ((:

blogging without a reason.

2006-05-01T01:01:00.000+08:00

this is what happens when there's no purpose. no motivation. no enthusiasiasm whatsoever. you get awfully low. and thats not good.

i cant remember ever feeling so aimless, not for so long at least. underperforming and underachieving isnt funny anymore when it's consistent. and shrugging off the failures is something i find increasingly hard to do... yet its a prerequisite for progression. but well guess what. either it doesnt help or im doing it all wrong. i am in a state of what i call, equilibrium. where there is no tendency for anything ELSE to happen. no tendency for anything to change for better or for worse. well thats something i need to break out of. and FAST. ugh.

thats frustration at its peak.

but yah... there's still the self consolation part. hah. it helps quite alot if you do it in enough proportion. then again thats what losers do.

so ok. thats what i'll do. tell myself everything's alright. hah. one word. DECEIT.

and together we'll watch the cookie crumble.

and hopefully after the whole thing you'll still be able to salvage whats left of everything. whats left of me. HEH.

screams.

2006-04-27T23:08:00.000+08:00

omg this is so frustrating. RAHHHHH.

school is honestly such a drag now. i mean i just feel like im always playing catch-up and it sucks lah. i seriously duno how to proceed. ):

pw is such a chore can. my ST (stands for supervising tutor but might as well stand for STUPID TEACHER) always exclude our group one. like wth. that is so annnnnnoying. plus the suggestions that she gives... alamak. might as well dun give lah.

i am so annoyed at everyone now i could kill. UGGGGH

bloody effing shoulder ache.

i dun feel at all well. oh yah match's tmr. bleahhhh will it bloody STOP RAINING so that we can play. its so annoying cutting classes just to go to kallang netball centre to stare and wait all freaking week. honestly!!

ok enough ranting. i need to proceed on with my pi that is technically due today. HEHHHH -snorts at my bloody ST.

power power power!

2006-04-22T20:23:00.000+08:00

OMG yesterday was GE-RRREATTT. :D a beeg beeg morale booster to say the least. ((:

really love the united-ness of our team. all the team lunches, team study (although normally we just do anything other than study ahaha) and encouragements had been awesome. -griinnns.

team dinner last night at marina square after the match was nice too. cabbed to cck after dinner with xiaoqian and was glad i did. got to talk alot to her and know more about her as well as the team. -nods.

anywayanyway. family day today was quite fun! team celebrated sonia's bday by going to the HAUNTED HOUSEEEEE hee. it was so hilarious man. and like WOAH they can really scream lah. ahaha. from outside the room i could hear their screams lor omg. anyways i think wilopo was scarier than the ghosts luh. haha. cus throughout the thing she was grabbing my shirt, esp during the 'tunnel' part. hahaha so funny. i was so scared my shirt will rip lor so i let her grab my hand instead. :P

hahaha. but ohwells i really thought the haunted house was well done for such a small place like the reading room although i was kinda laughing throughout the whole journey. but i must admit the corners were damn scary lah. you'll never know when a ghost will pop out and chase you (didnt chase me but they chased sonia ahaha. birthday treat i guess :D ).haha but anyway we got the last ghost to hand sonia her gift from us and so cute la she didnt dare to take the gift! ahhaha. but ahh whatever it is i think we all had fun! (:

and thanks yilun for the msg and liting for the eeyore. =D

aj POWERRR

2006-04-20T21:52:00.000+08:00

lol am so drained.. :S all the trainings and tuition is eating me up i tell you.

anyway my bio is like so dead. arrrggghhhh why am i taking biologyyyyyyyy :S

but ohwells i guess i shouldnt be complaining.. afterall im really getting it easy alr compared to the rest. ah in any case i must work hard. failure is not an option (:

anyways, tmr marks the beginning of the tournaments. YAY we would all work hard and emerge VICTORIOUS. heee (: well i guess it would be no problem for us yeah? cus honestly i feel that the team is very close and really the encouragements from everybody makes a difference ((:

WHEE! ((: i think everyone's up thinking about the match right now, despite being told to sleep early. teehee. ohwells. VISUALISE OUR WIN!

hah tmr's lesson is such a waste of time man since im like leaving damn early. so im going to school for... GP? what the eff. wake up so early for 2 straight hours of bloody GP and break for like duno how many hours? omg omg shoot me pls. -grumbles. and i need some econs help man. bleahhhhhh.

time for PW research. although it is seriously such a waste of time.

falloutboy.

2006-04-14T22:00:00.000+08:00

falloutboy rocks. ((:

singing their song is damn tiring and makes my throat abit sore but i like them anyways. they're nice! (:

the best part of believe is the lie... true innit?

today was very unproductive sigh. i should really start focusing on whats important. -nods.

ohwells. there's training and 1806 bbq tmr. haha. hopefully i wont be too tired after trg to enjoy myself in the bbq luh. and haiyoh ECP is damn damn damn far can. :S travelling time alone can kill. ohwell shall see what i can do

just realised i dun see my sis very often nowadays. actually thats an understatement. thats quite sad lah. ):

i just lost all will to type. somebody help me pls?

sian!

2006-04-13T23:16:00.000+08:00

RAHHH i am damn tired! YAAAWWWNNN.

and whats with the sudden craze of doing group work?! its honestly eating up my limited free time pls. GP is so annoying.... and i really dun see the relevance in the bio spiderman project. one word: bullshit.

falling asleep without the intention of it doesnt help either. im pretty much falling back back back back in everything. teeehee. ohwell poor time management i know... but what to do? maybe having 48 hrs a day would help? errr on second thoughts no cus maybe we'll be forced to have a 24 hour timetable AHAHAA. wtf..

oh yah mani has been treating my class damn nicely these few days after she found out that my class was doing some major bitching about her LOL LOL which of course im part of la haha.. not that im complaining.. just that it's a lil.. weird. lol. but ohwellssss i think she teach quite well compared to the other bio teachers. :P

hmmmmm so many people are celebrating their birthdays this week. april is the birthmonth i guess. (:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ALL (:

sleep deprived.

2006-04-06T21:26:00.000+08:00

-SUPER YAWNSSSSSS.

i am quite sleep deprived and seriously lagging in terms of homework completion. sleeping during lectures (SDL hahahaha) is not encouraged cus you'll get more confused if you dun listen and in the end spend more time trying to understand the damn concept but sadly you arent smart enough (honestly if we could study on our own why have lecturers?) so that means more frustration and LESS SLEEP. rahhhh!

ohwells thankfully i dun take chinese now so hopefully i can make use of the breaktime to do PRODUCTIVE things. but till now i havent succeeded cus ive been looking like a loser stoning ALONE in the reading room cus im the only one not taking chinese in my class. that.. is quite sucky. lol.

teehee

zomg

2006-03-30T21:38:00.000+08:00

i think i might bleed to death if i continue to cough at the rate and intensity (!!!) im coughing now. heck ive just lost my voice... NOOOO!!!

erps. and no strepsils! help...

heh but that aside im doing quite alright. although the week had been pretty messed up and really tiring, what with pe (?!!) and training. ohwells. sigh i cant help but feel like im a burden to the team luh. ): cus my netball skills is like really really sucky (understatement) after hiatus. hmmm this isnt helping.. it sucks when my confidence level is at such ultimate low la. argh i should strike this thought soon cus i really wanna give in my all for the team. (:

yeap must work my butt of for saturday's friendly no matter what. thats a promise to myself as well as everyone who had been damn nice to me lol..

i am undoubtedly an introvert (with a blog). lol IRONY! :P

and the rate tutorials are piling up... bleah i could drown in them pls! dy/dx=infinity can. hahaha. actually im not so sure... i found out that my math is like super effed up now after today's tuition. seems like my performance in all areas are not alright huh. ):

ohwells. tomorrow shall be a better day. and i need my bloody strepsils.

ehhh?

2006-03-24T19:15:00.000+08:00

aiyo. sick for the second time in three months. tsktsk this is bad. whatever happened to my immune system?

in any case i am eternally greatful to all who have helped me in settling my admin stuffs today, i really would have died without you all (honestly!) so yah big HUGGGG (:

so hmmm more or less used to the changes alr. although the memories still remain and would not be replaced, at least not for now. but hah life has a way of making things sucky for all of us so yah might as well move on and stop moping around. everything will fade as time passes, as proven by the alltoomany incidences. then again that's not necessary a bad thing...

really hope that everything will turn out well tmr. im begging! :S for the sake of my ego i must do well! i dont want luck, dont need it. power is all im asking for. bah may the force be with me.

(:

officially ajcian.

2006-03-19T21:48:00.000+08:00

some things are just not meant to be said.

it's ironic how we seem to be living for others, and yet we are so self absorbed all the time.

ohwells. this week had basically been a roller coaster ride (emotionally) for me as much as it had been last week. doesnt feel very nice but at least im relatively emotion-less now. thats a good thing. hah im just praying that it'll remain like this for another week or two until i get everything settled. i dun think i want another ride like this bleahhhh.

friday had been the nicest day of the whole oneweek break although the morning sucked (bigtime). nevertheless it ended off really well cus i wenta iceskate with jy! (: iceskating is cool (literally as well)! hah. i was finally brave enough to get away from the sides!! hahaha. yeah there were a couple of times that i almost fell to my death but hmm. managed to keep my balance. so YAYNESS for that. after skating was about the most random things i ever did luh. hahaha. ((: go visit ford factory sometime and try walking from bukit timah to bukit panjang. the experience is uh.. nice. HEH.

-smilessss.

haha. tv marathoning is good too. was watching pearl harbour just now. hah.somehow war stories appeals to me. hmmm. never fails to make me feel emo emo emo emo. and feel like killing the countries who initiates the war (for no reason/selfish reasons).

erps.

hah. ok abit offtrack. anyway tmr school starts and i realise im officially an AJcian as of tmr. heh. i cannot pretend as though everything's trial anymore. ):

die kitying die.

2006-03-15T10:40:00.000+08:00

i think im blogging excessively. :X

ohwells. am really sleepy now. i was up at 2plus am yesterday (ok technically today) and didnt fall back asleep till about 5. RAHHH lack of sleep causes mood to sink to an all time low luh. so there i was tossing and turning till no end and started to feel DAMN EMO. lol. wtf.

i cant even begin to say how pathetic i felt. ugh. was thinking of all the worst possible things that happened in this short 3 months rahhh. wrong decisions i made (or am making) and whatnot. hah. i even thought of emily rose (since it was like 3 in the morning)and felt like crying for her. bah. that was the extent of how emo i was. omg

turns out that the urge to leave had never subsided, just disguised in the midst of some other stronger feeling. ...and so i was fooled. hah. false hopes never cease to exist in my life.. and although i want them gone, i must admit thats what keeps me going for at least awhile more. ahhhhh the paradoxy... heh.

hmmm now i feel like watching some movie that can make me laugh myself silly. (:

ohwells. time to stop moping around and prepare for my trip to hollandv later! lols. hopefully i wouldnt be reminiscing too much too long.

eighteen darlings <3 part 2

2006-03-14T11:59:00.000+08:00

hope dangles on a string, like slow spinning redemption
winding in, winding out,
the shine of it has caught my eye.

yay. kbox and movie with fellow eighteeners yesterday rocked lah (: teehee, yesterday's singing was even more offkey than our last kbox outing luh. lol. not that im complaining, cus i was damn zao sia also (: oh one thing ive learnt : when all the people around you sing offkey, it is impossible for you not to follow suit. lol try it, and you'll find yourself singing damn zao sia-ly also. ((:

date movie was damn stupid though, but funny lol! basically i dun think it has any storyline hahaha. it's just for you to laugh at the stupid parodies of so many shows. good for people like me who absolutely ADORES spoofs. teehee, i wun recommend anyone to watch it on weekends (:

eighteen.... <3<3

oh the new class list is out i think. wont be in eighteen anymore. but it doesnt matter, i wouldnt mind loving 19 or 20 or 21 or 22 or 23 etc just as much, if not MORE, if the class remains 1806 in spirit. sigh. hopefully our plan to stay intact works (: !

hope dangles on a string..

random thoughts

2006-03-11T21:00:00.000+08:00

i almost died eating duck rice today lols.

i happily put this HUGEEE bone which i thought was meat into my my mouth la. luckily i was able to sense its toughness and decided to spit it out. if i had chewed on it half my teeth would probably be gone. hhaha and thank goodness im not a person who swallows without chewing. imagine. if i chocked on that damn bone and died today. thats not entirely a bad thing la... although it is a super painful way to die. :S

hehe but that means i escaped death. and if you watch final destination you would know its not good news. UH OH. im expecting something more dreadful and random. AHAHA. maybe my computer will overheat and blow up and electricute me to death. bah. hehs. i'd better stop cursing myself luh (:

hahaha anyway talking about computers.. im not using that stupid computer now! it's DUNZO (as kristin says it) ! (: my dad fished out another CPU for me to use and hopefully i dont damage this one as well lols.

it's so refreshing to finally be able read the words on blogger. for the past few months ive been surviving on squares because that shitass lousy computer cannot read the characters. heh this is good lah. im taking no more shit from computers ok.

ohwells was watching f1 just now and hurrrrrrs. bad luck for mclaren (actually kimi) AGAIN. sigh. nvm tmr will be a better day ok! and i cannot believe starsports actually decided to cut the f1 programme and show some crappy epl match. i mean wth. 20 mins more of f1 is much more exciting than 20 mins of stupid soccer match and probably without any goals. no sense of priority lah.

aiyo aiyo. i need to get out of this rut soon. ):

this sucks

2006-03-11T00:20:00.000+08:00

i dont even wanna talk about why i am so upset right now. but here i am, blogging, cus i need to RANT! omg.

it seems as though everyone's having moodswings of their own recently, so funny. teehee. so much drama.

bad mood = extreme randomness. just bear with me for a sec.

ponned school today but still ended up tired and cranky. bah. this is maddening.

honestly i hope weekends mark the end of the crazy string of bad luck ive been experiencing for the past week. seriously! -_- it has got to end!

bahhhhhh i cannot believe this is even happening to me lah. seriously what is wrong with THESE people? what exactly are they looking for. i swear ive already performed up to my standards? arrrgh this is annoying. i really have the urge to take a gun and shoot myself. or better yet shoot them for their lousy sense of judgement. honestly they pick them over me? uve got to be kidding me.

and ouch my shoulder's sunburnt. and no doubt ugly tan lines again. plus my hand hurts. and im hungry. on top of all that the accumulation of bad mood. bah this spells trouble.

TULAN.

ok this is quite bad. my computer is abit crazy now. ok this is such an understatement. it keeps directing me to ~~porn~~undesirable sites and i have no idea why. they really know how to push my buttons dont they. arrrgh.

bah. daniel powter you are right. i really had a fking bad day. ):

rejected AGAIN.

2006-03-08T20:07:00.000+08:00

wth. i got freaking rejected by aj tennis AGAIN.

omigosh so paiseh lah lol. and i actually thought i played rather okay-ly for a beginner. erps. seriously my last pe session ought to have been the tryouts. i would have gotten in lor if they had seen my ~~superb~~ skills during pe. HEHS aiya this sucks. :S

i feel like such a loser, telling them im VERY interested and asking them to accept me and everything. BAH. this is bad. haha. ohwellsssss.

nvm if this doesnt work out i guess i'll go join squash! although i dont really think they need anymore people lols. ohwell there is still hockey.......

fking disappointed and i tried not to show it. but i think i failed pretty miserably at it.

fking loser.

on a much brighter note, orientation today was surprisingly quite alright! AHAHA. yayness. ok i admit i was really bored during the dance session la. like seriously. half the time i am torn between killing myself or killing my elemental people. trust me, it was THAT bad. hehs. but then the games today was quite fun! at least i enjoyed it. ohwells probably cus my og was more enthu and less lame lah. which is good. hehs.

hopefully tmr will be fun also hehsss.

orientation EWW

2006-03-06T22:53:00.000+08:00

i missed eighteenohsix today. ):

O2 is so bloody boring i could die. it is basically the repetition of the first orientation, just 100 times worse.

:S lol. im desperately hoping that this is so cus its the first day and we dont yet know one another well, so very naturally its not that fun, although i am not entirely convinced. wth. to think i was actually quite looking foward to it, at least the meeting new friends part.

how to meet new friends when everybody decides to pon the thing altogether. big TSK lah.

why am i always put inside some unenthu elemental. GAWDDD. even terra looks tempting now. FERTILL!!! bleah.

ohwellllls. in quite a foul mood now i guess, partly due to the splitting headache now cus of the serious lack of sleep. msia was quite fun hehe, finally saw my relatives i havent seen in forever. thats a good thing, with the exception of some things that made me oh so TRAUMATISED. :S some people can really be THAT dense pls. tsktsk.

sigh. i wonder if things will still be the same when term starts? i really suck at adjusting to changes la dammit. just praying that everything will turn out fine

1806 <3

2006-03-03T19:31:00.000+08:00

eighteenohsix <3!

im so glad i went to ~~the~~OUR class outing today, cus we rock! omg. haha.. we tore the house (kbox actually) down lah lol! omgosh our class can get really crazy one lor, what with the enthu singing and jumping on the sofa. yeeyan's singing rocks btw hahaha. made everybody laugh like mad lols. ((: and oh, celebrated angela's bday too! teehehe. we are really one beeeg family.

ohwells moment of truth today, woke up and immediately wenta check posting results. heh. and i got posted back to AJ. well what can i say? i mean i felt quite numb when i saw that to be quite honest. sucks to be rejected lah, feels like i had not done good enough to deserve going to nj. but OHWELL. at least i can get to be with me friends again!

EIGHTEENOHSIX!!!! and jiaying's coming too! yayness. for that im thankful lah. ((:

aha. got to prepare for my msia trip laters~ dun really look fwd to the horrible bus ride and using those damned msia toilets but heck, it is worth it i guess. seeing everybody again after SO LONG.

random?

2006-03-02T21:32:00.000+08:00

haha you want random stuffs? i give you random stuff. :P!

i hate it when i type my email address wrongly. :S why are 'i" and "u" placed side by side anyway?! totally opposite of one another lah! and it makes a whole lotta difference when i type my email add. everytime philly_sixers become philly_sUxers. like WTbloodyF. i feel like im dissing my fav nba team everytime i type my email lols.

ohwells!!!!

omg im so tired now i could die. no idea why, considering how slack today was. hehe.

and oh! charades are pretty damn hilarious can? (: i ~~think~~ know i was VERY lousy at it but ohwells, all in good fun larr. hahssss. and teeheee! some of them are seriously telephatic la, SO COOL! ((:

some teachers are so tactless i tell you, so dense i dun think they can detect any annoyance/hatred at all. wah lau that is quite sad lah.

random random random. i am just typing whatever that pops into my mind that is just strung into a paragraph and is rather incoherent, have you all realised. ahaha.

ah, today's last day of PAE'06. hmm abit sad. ohwells whatever happens tmr i hope that it'll be a fresh start for me.

yes the sick feeling is still in me. tmr's the day i guess.

iceskate!!

2006-02-27T23:00:00.000+08:00

haha iceskating with sis ytd was so fun! :D

although i was too chicken to move away from the sides. :X i think i stayed at the sides for like 1 hr la, omgoshness! waste of money i know, but cannot blame me! i really didnt know how to skate! teehehe. i needed the support ahahah. and oh and i saw some kranjians also. wah lau i could've just DIED there lah, so paiseh! ohwells. ((:

teehee, i have to say my sis is quite pro in skating la im so envious Ahahaha! :P

and oh because of constant losing of balance, my right arm kept hitting the side and hence it is badly bruised. a total of 5 blue black pls! hahaha lets unfold the horrors of iceskating argh!

oh and we went IMM teeheee! pigged out majorly! (think 1 banana choco cake and 1 cheesecake, 1XXL crispy chicken and 1 chendol flavoured mr softy WITH TOPPINGS) erps, that was only SNACKS haha. so needless to say we were damn sugar high la, esp my sis! hahaha. fking funny lor she kept doing random things and make damn alot of noise. AHA. then she got tired ahahaha. ((: !

HEEHEE.

ohno my throat (or maybe its oesophagus HAHA) hurts! it's been feeling really bad all afternoon and night and it sucks. argggh. hope it gets better tmr cus i have a date with TIFFY haha! we gonna play tennis yay! and she actually got me to agree to buy her pocky EVERYDAY cus shes bringing the heavy equipment tmr (think 2 racquets and tennis balls).

haha honestly i do owe her big time lah hahaah. cant wait for tmr! ((:

interhouse drama + kss young alumni!

2006-02-25T23:55:00.000+08:00

this past week had been surprisingly good i must say. ((:

school was annoying, boring, eeky and ___(whatever negative) as usual. nothing new about that, cannot stand it sometimes. but BUT! 1806 truly eased the negativeness of school abit. and made it somewhat nice. AHA. hanging out tgt in the canteen/talking nonsense in class while others play bridge or daidee is damn fun la (:

we are randomfied! -grins.

anw. highlight of yesterday was probably the interhouse drama competition la. was supposed to be an OG outing for fertill, but heck, practically nobody other than the usual few went lor. wth, its like we dont even see them AT ALL after O1. it's like they were never fertill-ians (haha sounds cute).

but ohwells. who am i to say that when i totally pangsehed them to hang out with 1806ers, namely yeeyan, des and eve. oopssss. sorry lah, but i really didnt feel right when i was with fertill, so what to do? hmmms.

ohwells the competition was quite entertaining lah. but some parts were really hands down ABSTRACT la. hahaaha. i was totally like, HUH???? haha and it was not just me la. many of them also didnt get what the heck the plays were driving at sometimes. :P

but one thing's for sure. JAGUAR SHOULD HAVE WON OK! wah lau. i mean it was one of the most entertaining scripts alr lor pls. sigh i guess the judges were looking for tamed material la, and our script was abit provocative. maybe that was what cost us la. hmmm. but still i think we deserve smth k! -grumbles.

but in any case angela and zoe did GREAT can! yayness we are oh so proud of them! (:

hmmm. today was spent mainly in kss for the young alumni thing. AHA. i think 04 batch onwards are really bonded to our school la, since the attendence today was quite good. (: thats a good thing yay. actually we did nth much la, or to be specific I did nth much, just crapped and stoned abit hehe. but it was all good. (:

and oh, im going back to msia next friday to sunday to celebrate my grandma's bday! AHA! ohwells it is likely to be the release of JAE posting results week so... guess i wont be picking up the call from my ogl from whichever jc im going. haha. yes, im totally in a self denial mode now sigh.

hope the trip will be fun la. ohwells it should be a blast since EVERYONE is going. yayness!

shoulder effing shoulder ache.

2006-02-22T20:12:00.000+08:00

my shoulder aches like madness again. for the 10000000th time today. actually it hurts everyday ahahaha.

it sucks when the only time i feel alright is when im asleep. that is damn pathetic can. so dun blame me for being such a pig la. i need to feel alright.

life is sad.

ohwells. today during chem the lecturer introduced us some nanotech thingy (about the size of credit cards, 5 times the thickness) that claims to be able to relieve aches and body odour (lols!!). i was like huh. so good ah. i want to buy the cure aches one for my shoulder! (: ahaha. but then!!! the price was like, dang! 120+ bucks lah. wah lau that sucks! hell no im paying so much to try smth that i have absolutely no idea if it's gonna work la.

i still wanna buy my tennis racquet ok. AHAHA. it's damn ex la. babolat is damn ex. perhaps i'll just settle on prince or smth. sharapova uses prince ok, dun play play LOLS. (:

oh i realised junior racquets i damn CHEAP! AHAHAHA. oh wells~ in any case i am so obsessed over the whole tennis issue lah. :P

oh no i am so procrastinating AGAIN. i seriously needa get my butt working on those damn tutorials. and that stupid chinese project! so maddening lahhhhhhhhhh.

haha i have to stop failing my tests too. :S been failing like mad ever since school started. oh bloody well! :P

arrrghhh!

2006-02-20T19:01:00.000+08:00

oh lord why do weekdays always have to be suck suck sucky for me? why do i always feel like crap during weekdays? why do i always have to go through an ok day that had carried on pretty alright and then read something which end my day off in a worse possible way?:S

this is getting oh so tough..

honestly, i cannot wait for JAE result posting. a part of me just wish to get the heck outta AJ. oh dun ask why, but if you must know, it's not cus of the whatever "mugger" or other mugger related reputation that AJ has la, cus i really dun think it's THAT bad. i mean, you can have fun in AJ if you really want to lor, just depends on your attitude and who you hang out with, that's all. but oh wells, i really cant stand another day obsessing over something i have no control over. maybe a new school means a new start, right? ahhh.

but i'll miss all the peeps i met in AJ thats for sure, esp my OG fertill (not fertile lols) and 1806. ahaha oh and also 2106 lah, since it was my class for like, a day? too bad i didnt get to know them long enough to even remember their names. lols.

so yah basically thats the bulk of my concerns/annoyance. and in btw comes the fact that i am gonna flunk my 1000000th test in 2 months. ahaha how am i to survive i ask. bleah.

but in any case, at least i had some fun this past weekend? stoning, bowling, tv-ing, and watching stupid but very funny youtube videos made my day la. and was watching all star game 2006 just now also. hahaha damn entertaining! iverson the mvp! ok la not really but i dun care! he'll always be mvp in my eyes lolssss. :P

I WANT MY IVERSON. ((:

haiyah!

2006-02-18T00:39:00.000+08:00

oh my goshness is the radio looping it's playlist?! wah lau play me a variety of songs leyyy!! it's so annoying listening to fort minor (major irritations?!!?! shut up pls!) and madonna etc. ok the radio is off. ahas..

i like the new craig david song. ahahaa. -hinthinthint-

actually im not really hinting anything. im just BORED.

hmmms class outing tmr (technically today cus its almost 1am). should i go? abit lazy leh. then somemore it's steamboat again at marina bay!! ah the thought of madness travelling just kills my mood lah. but if i dun go i'll miss out all the fun! and judging by our coolio class, its gonna be fun la! AH! decision making never fails to make me frustrated. bleahhh.

aha fickle-mindedness at it's best pls. :S

oh wells.

today had been quite alright. hehsss. major slacking in the library during bio cus mrs allan wasnt here for lessons. AHAHA. another flawless escape for me. honestly, it's situations like these that takes out whatever motivation i have left (not much though) to do homework la. the knowledge that i wont get punished despite being utterly irresponsible kills me can. ahhaaha. not that im complaining. OH WELL!

the only lesson that i truely paid attention was um, mass civics? ahahaha. yes i know, totally not prioritising. but what to do? i like watching movies, esp during lessons ahahaa. and not to mention econs was so distracting ok. i have no idea why the students are so, unbelievable lah. rowdy bunch of people. so naturally i stoned off and had my eyes fixed on the clock.

but it started pouring like there was no tmr when i was on the train back. wah lau, that is super not cool ok. i hate extra rainy days esp when i am OUT.

:/

forget it.

2006-02-16T21:44:00.000+08:00

school is disgusting. and tutorials even more so. that is why theyre undone. yes all of them. every single subject ok. AHA! that is like how pathetic? (:

and not to mention the guilt trips given by our chinese teacher is waayyy. umm. annoying? hehe. oh wells. sorry but i dont think it'll work on our class la. we are way too slack alr. i think? ((: i love 1806 lol. -grinnnnn.

oh wells i realise i havent been posting a decent entry cus my mind was too messed up this past week due to some distractions la. hmm i'll try to do so today hopefully. yes. despite having tonnes of tutorials (esp the VERY overdue bio and maths) QUEUING and begging for my attention. oh wells that will have to wait i guess.

alrighto. sat: i totally forgot what i did. erps.

sun: hahaha was fun! (: went ta suntec wit my dear i.s and had a hell of a time. try lunching at pastamania (was damn full after that), bowling for two games and then pool for 2 hours. AHA. fking fun la i say. although my bowling skills are damn um... inconsistent. lols. one min SPARE then the next wash the longkang. like wth. hahaha but it was all in good fun la. and pool was also ummmmmmm. hahahahha. the first hour was quite horrible cus i was damn lousy la. but it got better after that when i started to hit in some tyco shots. yayness?! (: so anyway after 2 hours of intense pooling my back hurt fo 2 days. WTF loserville! :X

mon: woke up damn early and crashed nj in the morning! lol. that was so random can. i actually saw jaclyn and zoe and quite afew aj peeps. AHAHA. what a coincidence la! i think they crashed lectures also, which i didnt. lols. funny. (: anyway anyway nj is damn heeeeyuuugeee i think. mama. i will surely get lost there?

went to suntec again after that with sis. (: shoppp shooppppppp for vday! aha. very fun. dinner was great as well. carl's jr is officially my fav fast food restaurant. yeapssss nth can beat that pls. we were like majorly pigging out la, went ta coffee club later for some dessert! HAHA. had muddy mud pie and country pie. yummy ok! (:

tuesday and wednesday: tried doing tutorials but failed miserably at it, they ended up being chucked to one corner and collecting dust.

i am so fking dead i tell you. but oh wells. with o2 coming up im sure it'll be alright, no? oh my goshness i think o2 is after march holidays?! OUCH! that means god knows how many more weeks of schooling? SAVE ME from this wreck pls! hehs!

ah whatever. i could really care less about that. somebody just take the gun and shoot me.

oh ummm. today i woke up from my nap and the news was on. heh. it was reporting on some murder that happened at the block i used to live in la. like wth thankfully im not living in there anymore or i'll be so freaked out. :S scary shit. bleahhh.

what the eff.

2006-02-14T01:46:00.000+08:00

exactly which part of "no, i am not talking about you" do you not understand.

seriously, what is wrong with these people. overthinking, overanalysing and overreacting. this causes unnecessary tension and misunderstanding ok.

and what's maddening is that they have absolutely no clue as to what's going on in my life and yet they pretend they do. pls. do me a favour stay off. bleahhhh. i swear my entries are way too abstract to be easily understood by anyone other than me, so why in the hell do i get judged by my posts?

and to whoever might be reading this crapload of nonsensical paragraph. pls. do not assume anything. i am begging. i have enough to deal with already, i dont need more confrontation thank you very much.

suddenly engaging in a sedate and meaningless conversation with you sounds oh so tempting. arrgh yes im totally contradicting my previous post but heck, that may very well be our last conversation before i leave AJ. hehs. sadness la.

and yes, i am considering NJ as my first choice.

arrrrgh too damn lazy to type a decent post. ROAR.

and believe me when i say im not talking about you.

what i dun understand.

2006-02-11T22:54:00.000+08:00

i dun understand why we are even talking.

and no, im not talking about you.

honestly. why do i bother? should have ended it then and there.

when two sedate people starts talking to each other, the conversation will be super screwed up,
effed up and very unbearable. and i hate it.

and as a result, my mood when from (!!!) to (...) . like what the effing hell. today had been nice la. but like someone said, no matter how the day went, as long as it ended on a bad note, it will be registered as a bad day. which shall be my case right now. i feel like shit now can. -_-

someone pls talk to me... im begging! argh. although im most likely gonna snap at the poor person. but oh wells it'll be comforting to know at least someone cares. ):

it is so tiring to fake the non existing smile all the damn time.

hmmm i suddenly feel like listening to the hallelujah song. lols. very nice. but too bad i dunnno the title of the song. sadness! hehsss.

life is sad, end it. haha kidding.

the results.

2006-02-10T17:23:00.000+08:00

i think this entry will suck cus it's all about school stuff. aiya since when my entries are not about school one. LOLSS..

oh wellssss.

today was a sigh of relief for me to say the least. but not for my brain. AT ALL.

there is an awful lot of decisions to make, like should i bloody stay in aj? should i continue taking bio? which cca to join? (ok that is not really a decision for me to make since THEY are the ones choosing but wth) i really wana join tennis... but. haha nvmss. i should try it again for the second intake. yeapssss.

i thought ms lai looked reaaaally thin today (or maybe the whole of this first few months also?). must be the stress la. sigh must relax abit aye! ((: im sure it's a sigh of relief for her too, and mrs ram, which is good for them. yayness.

and oh yah. chemistry was super screwed up la pls. (actually i think that screwed up is an understatement). FOR REALS OK. noone in kss got a1 for chem. NONE. wah lau, go figure.

but oh wells everything's over alr so... i really hope those who didn't achieve up to their expectations will take things in their stride la. moping around does help ease the pain to some extent, but not on long term. so PLSSSSS cheer up!!!

hahaha i am writing to nobody i know, but oh well! ((:

ok im done blogging, time to do some SERIOUS pondering. i need a massage. lols.

angel and mortal.

2006-02-08T23:45:00.000+08:00

hahaha i need my beauty sleep. seriously.

just pia-ed my gp article review. it was seriously such a chore lah. but somehow i enjoyed writing on the google-china issue. you know, the one about censorship etc. anyway i thought the great FIREWALL of china was so fking funny. lols. in any case, im so glad im finally done with gp for this week la. anymore gp for me i think i'll puke. like for reals.

and oh! today we revealed our identities for the angel and mortal game. lols! it was quite funny, but super awkward. hahaha. wth man. but argh i didnt get to see my angel! hehheh. she's super nice la, gave me chocos for CNY and sweets today. i feel quite cheapo buying only ferrero rocher for her la. wah lau.

nvm i'll give her kitkat also, which by the way, is my nickname. lols. nice right! haha.

am looking foward to friday. no school followed by a nice long 6 day break. although there's release of o level results in between. but heck, im up for it can! (:

i hope it'll be YAYNESS for everybody this friday.

good luck! (:

my ass will be fried.

2006-02-05T22:28:00.000+08:00

hahahahaa. i am super screwed i tell you all. :S

no, not because of the fact that im totally gonna get slaughtered by my tutors tmr cus of my piles and piles of undone tutorials, but because of the fact that i have ALOT more work to do tmr. lols. ok la i have myself to blame for all the slacking this weekend although i totally promised myself to do my work. but oh wells no regrets la, i had fun doing nothing. hahahaha ok i know im a loser with no life.

OH WELL.

i am so bored! dont look foward to school tmr la. seriously. come to think of it now i ought to have done my work. hahaha

but then again im expecting my o level results anytime next week so, another day off for me!

school is honestly such a drag.

anyways enough about school and work, i wanna go out! and go out doesnt mean watch movie or shopping or what. it's go out as in, leave this place to, sigh anywhere will do la. but preferbly those places i always dream about. like some far stretch of grassland with really cooool blue skies. and i can spend my whole day just lying on the grass and be totally immersed in it's um, beauty? hahaha sounds really dreamy right. i like.... (:

sigh i just tumbled back to reality.

OUCH.

ok anyway wish me luck for tmr. and pretty pls DUN GIVE ME MORE WORK TO DO!

shoulder ache

2006-02-04T01:20:00.000+08:00

my shoulder is aching like MAD again. ugh. that is so not cool can. i need a massage!

anyways i slouch. like damn alot. ): sia la i dun wanna have bad posture leh! ughhhh.

oh wells as you can see my mood is still not back up 100%. though today was quite a good day (:

started the day off with chem tutorial which is equals to talking time. haha. i love chem tutorials cus our group is damn slack pls. we always do chem qsns halfway and then somehow end up chatting. or doing random things that is not chemistry (: now this is what i call enjoyable hahahahas.

then horrors of horror. CHINESE! ahhhh gotta do compo which needs to be handed up on mon! hell NO im gonna do lor pls. i dun even feel like doing bio essays so what makes her think im gonna sit down and write some crappy effed up imaginary story?! no freaking way la. hahahahas i wanna drop chinese!

then was xcty. it was quite fun actually! :S i knew i wouldn't have an issue with running lors, what with new year fats and everything. but i dun think the run was vigorous enough to make me feel any slimmer, so... hohums. but my calf muscle is aching like mad now. wonder why, hehs. after the run i stoned around with jolene while watching the people run. hoho it was quite funny la. we are so random. :D

oh and i realise our class girls (at least some of them) are quite into the 7pm GO GO GO show. -grin! i think its a hilarious silly show. I LIKE! (:

but i missed today's episode leh. cus of dinner with lao shi + the hcl gang at j8. hmms nvm la. it was cool meeting the peeps again. i think i prefer sec school hcl to jc's chinese! HAHAHAS no not really actually. =D

AH leg hurts shoulder hurts I WANNA GO SLEEP it's 2 in the morning!

almost 3

2006-01-30T02:41:00.000+08:00

my eyes are killing me. for reals. i think i need to sleep soon, but not before i finish posting this entry.

was just reading some stuff awhile ago, maybe those are stuff i shouldnt read, stuff that are strictly off limits and stuff i should just stay off. but i couldn't bring myself to stop obviously. yeah, typical me i suppose. well needless to say my mood was inevitably brought downhill. and i honestly have no idea why. sigh.

i dun understand why this is affecting me so much, such that i feel like im almost obsessed about it. maybe it's really time for me back off and wash my hands off this issue entirely. seems like a wise enough idea, but easier said than done.

sigh this is pathetic. but i am honestly at a loss now. this is definitely WAY more than i bargained for. major sigh. hehs.

what a terrible time to get all upset. it's the chinese new year! nobody should feel bad during this period of time.. oh wells.

i guess ive reached my ultimate low after like, so long and sure it doesnt feel good, but i gotta find a way back up and hopefully get over it la. i really dunwanna put myself back in this stinky position i had been years ago. i dunwanna fall in my own vicious trap cus it sucks real bad.

honestly i cant see myself getting outta this trap anytime soon. SIGH.

yes i know you people most likely have no idea what i am talking about, but it's better this way, trust me.

argh my vision is blurry now. time to go i guess! seriously hoping tmr will be a better day. argh hold on its like 3 in the morning alr. oh i know MONDAY BLUESSSS. :S sigh. pls be a better day today!

=D (hope this smile will get rid of all the monday blues that are overwhelming me in full force)

coolness!

2006-01-28T11:08:00.000+08:00

it's the new year's weekend!! major coolness can! haha ((:

oh wells since it's the cool weekend, school had been pretty much slack this week. yay finally they decided to cut us some slack, just the way i like it! (: but then they gave us homework too la, which im most probably not going to do. -grins- i mean come on, it's the lunar new year! you cannot possibly expect me to bury my head in books in light of such festivity. that's a sin ok. =p

and oh. OG outing last sunday was cool! although i must say that going to marina bay at 2pm (YES 2PM!) can be VERY boring. like oh my goshness boring. we just stoned around the arcade until someone decided to pool. (: yeah my pool skills suck as much as my tennis skills but i dont care! it was fun. ((:

truth or dare in esplanade was quite... intriguing? :P but in any case the night scenery was quite nice. i tried to take some shots of the merlion but eh. my w800i cannot zoom. too bad la.

hmmm, yesterday was also fun. meeting up with kss buddies after like so long. we went bowling! =D we played 2 games and i was cursed la! i couldn't hit anything in the 2nd game. hahas. got me so depressed. :P oh and I LOST MY WATER BOTTLE!!!!!!! yes, the very scratched up and beat up and dented water bottle. I AM VERY SAD PLS. sigh. my trusty water bottle. actually its not mine la, but i am rather attached to it!

i hope it's still at kss. and that kss people wun throw it away, pleazzzeee? :S

outcast me

2006-01-21T21:16:00.000+08:00

finally, the weekends. too bad there's only saturday and sunday. )):

i hate school! -screams-

i dun understand why the first 3 (or should i say 2) months is like all about studies and not at all fun for me. why! everyday must study study do hw do tutorials reread lecture notes cus i didnt concentrate when the teacher was explaining...

ITS ONLY THE FIRST MONTH DAMMIT!

but ohwells. that's jc life for us. so i must endure. hurhur. aj is really living up to its mugging reputation. haha i like. :P

WE ARE ALL ON DRUGGGGSSSSSSS~!!!!

wheeee on a lighter note i hope tmr's outing will be fun! yay. (:

hmm i got so bored that i went to visit gmps website hahaha. :X suddenly i miss gmps alot, although from the pics it seems like it had been renovated and changed quite abit. hmm. oh wells i cant really remember how it looks like actually.. only some flashes of the school remains in my memory. sigh.

i still remember the very old science lab which has really HUGE bunsen burners (i got quite shocked in sec sch when i realised that bunsen burners was actually so small), the quite pathetic pond (hehe), bball court and playground and the huge protruding tree roots (sprained my ankle there dozens of times), the very small ava room and IT labs. AH! i miss them all! ):

oh and i wonder if my pic is still in the school rules notice board. ;)

and oh yeah gmps is gonna merge with new town pri soon i think. either 2007/2008/2009. haha oops. hmmm this plan had been in discussion since my time in gmp, until now then execute! haha. -sad smile-

im srsly in a reminiscing mood now.

it's 1.10am. i should go to sleep soon or i wont be able to wake up tmr for the OG outing! ((:

aj = frustration

2006-01-14T23:49:00.000+08:00

AJ TENNIS TEAM REJECT ME! ahhh.. my tennis skills suck afterall. -cries-

wah lau they gave me like, the biggest racket and yet i couldnt hit the freaking tennis ball la. somebody shoot me pls. haha. hmph nvm. i think i should just stick to watching the pros play la. tsktsk.

and speaking of professional tennis. nadal, agassi and safin pulled out of aus open. double-yew-teeeee-efff?! -shakes head- i hope it wont be federer ownage again. -grumbles.

ah anyway school is so incredibly boring you wouldnt believe it. i spent most of my time contemplating on whether to change my subject combi, which in the end i did la, because it was all fated to happen. lol. nvm if noone gets what i mean UGH.

i wonder how my new PDG would be like? i hope they're fun! =D

i am so freaking bored. ROAR.

hmmm.

2006-01-10T17:09:00.000+08:00

bah. my long awaited hari raya holiday is almost over. boooo. that means school will start again tmr. I DONTWANT! ughhhh.

school is damn boring la pls! there's like so many thousand hrs of breaks in between lectures lar. what the hell am i supposed to do during those breaks man?! arrrgh. but oh wells, there isnt much choice. bah.

plus i dont even know if i had made the right decision in choosing my subject combi. sigh. nvm i shall see how it goes for the first 3 months, then decide what to mug for the next one and a half years.

hope it doesnt rain again later. i desperately need a run ok! it's been like centuries since i last exercised. somemore cca tryouts are nearing. must be in tip top shape eh. ((:

i want my holidays! BOO.

it's the weekend!

2006-01-07T22:45:00.000+08:00

muahaha. it's finally the weekends. im so exhausted. it's damn difficult to wake up early eh. but thankfully my sleep mode is starting to adjust itself back to normal and therefore i do not sleep at insane hours like 3 am.

ok anyway, orientation was quite alright overall. first day wasnt very good cus we were all damn quiet and seeing our OGLs work damn hard to make us enthu made me quite guilty. hmmms. and subject talks was mind boggling to say the least. but it was damn boring. i couldnt feel my butt after sitting for 4 hrs listening to them talk. and honestly i think that the new syllabus is ultra shitty.

thankfully it got livelier after our OG got to know one another better. (:

and oh! i saw howard from eye for a guy 2, unless it was his twin. muahasss. i didnt know he takes the mrt. hmm.

and i went to bowl for the first time in my life! haha.. i got strike once ok! not too bad, not too bad. but then it went straight into the "longkang" one too many times. SIGH!

yawns! im so sleeeeeepieeeee.

2006

2006-01-01T19:31:00.000+08:00

happy 2006, people!

haha. yeah i know, late greetings. but hey, it wasnt my fault that the whole sms system jammed up first thing in the morning ok. i didnt know so many people were like me, eyes glued to the tv/skies(if they were at the countdown) etc. getting ready to press the "send" button when 12:00am arrives. i just didnt know that ok.

i thought the messaging/phone/whatever-you-call-it system in singapore was oh so great what. since they have all the super sucky idol contests that get people voting, i thought they would have ample practice to handle mass-messaging situation like these. OH WELL....

so anyway i got frustrated when my phone failed to send msges for like a millionth time and ditched the tv (was watching blair witch 2) and went to sleep. well to be fair, it wasnt entirely my phone's fault, i was tired and the show was quite boring. perhaps i didnt stay up long enough to get spooked by the blair witch. hmmmm...

well i used to read the blair witch books you know. i didnt think it was very scary, but it sure as hell was entertaining! it was must-read for me ok. haha. but now ive forgotten most of it
already. i should borrow them again when i see them in the library.

anyway major digression there. ok, seeing as it's new year, i should probably have a new start right. well, my agenda for the new year would be,

get a life. seriously, my social life in 2005 had been quite ghastly. -shudders-
be nicer to everybody. ahhh.... always saying it, but never doing it. sigh.
do all the right things. need i say more?

ok well i know my so called resolutions are very vague and can hardly be counted as resolutions but well, at least i tried to list them down. (but doing them is totally a different matter) hmmm. -sheepish smile-

ok well. now that the countdown to 2006 is over, we have bigger things to worry about. like going to school. countdown that!

no way!

2005-12-30T00:56:00.000+08:00

my OGL from ajc called today.

.........

and i realised that school is starting really soon. like super soon. in 4 days' time. booo. i still remember thinking to myself a few days ago that there's still a long time to go till school starts. well i guess i was wrong. tsk.

so the cycle continues la. going to an unfamiliar school filled with unfamiliar faces. hmmm.

anyway today i got waterbombed. heh. not cool to walk around drenched in water la. but well i had fun splashing water at others. although i didnt get any of them. which sucks. ahhhh nvm. heh. (:

i am so hungrrrryyyyy. but no. i shall not eat at this hr.

*gulps in water*

bored.

2005-12-27T16:47:00.000+08:00

i take the word(s) 'bored/boring" to a whole new meaning today. yeap. so if you are using the computer, sleeping, eating, watching tv, or playing games etc (basically anything but going out). it means that you are bored.

i am bored!

but i was reading funny blogs so it wasnt so bad. the blogs managed to keep me entertained for about 3 hrs. thats way better than watching tv on a day like today (non public holiday, and weekday somemore!! quite sucky). so with that said i must emphasize (yet again!) the importance of going to school.

nothing good is on tv on a weekday (not during school hours anyway, unless you like watching random tv programmes they show at times like these) so going to school is a wise choice.
because i say so.

yups. im so sorry to say there's only 1 valid reason for going to school and i can easily think of ways to solve that problem but hey, nobody can beat the 2nd reason ok! so there.

oh man i am so bored im going insaneeeeeee. thankfully im going to town tmr so i neednt experience this sick feeling again. -grins. but for now im like, zzzzzzZZZZzzzzzz!!!!!!

anywaysss. i want to learn spanish. or french. or italian. or japanese. or anything that is not english/chinese/hokkien(not my cup of tea)/cantonese(i think i alr know the basics?). i should get one of the cd roms i saw in funan centre to learn these languages eh? or can anyone teach me? anyone? merci (in advance). ugh is that all i know?!!! *grumbles*

anyway today's the day after boxing day which means its the 27th which means its tuesday and to cut the long story short, its 1 more week till school starts. actually less than 1 week for accuracy. damn i am thorn between running away to spain (too see cute guys) until school ends (but i cant, since i dunno spanish, damn!) and actually looking foward (!!!) to going to school. afterall, for the very first time, my holiday assignment is 100% complete!! or rather, 0% from another perspective but thats not the point.

point is, i can go to school feeling VERY PROUD that i do not have to copy other people's assignments to hand up, like i did in my previous 4 years in kranji. and that, my friend, IS MAGICK. more magic than magic!!! heh. (:

to end off.... I AM VERY BORED! !##$^&%&

new phone but...

2005-12-22T23:55:00.000+08:00

aha. this entry is long overdue. but.... *dramatic music*... i have a new phone! like, finally.

not bad eh the functions and everything. but! i cannot transfer songs from my com to the phone! and it's like, whats the use of a walkman phone if it cannot store songs?! i might as well pick up any sony ericsson phone right! its so frustrating ok. so! imma head down to the sony ericsson service centre tofix the phone. or better yet get a new one in exchange! muahaha. ok whatever kitying, stop dreaming.

anyway! last night was quite cool. alot of tv programmes. like antm 5. quite dramatic i see. alot of bitchy girls so im looking fwd to all the backstabbing/catfights/shoutings etc. can't wait for the challenges to start. (:

then there was simple life 3! it was as funny as i remembered the previous 2 seasons to be. i laughed my ass off at that one! its amazing the things paris and nicole do. its a pity they're no longer BFF. ahhh. sadness. i could do with a few more laughs.

oh man shan pls stop talking! its been like what, at least 3 months since he became a perfect 10 dj right. then why in the world is he talking like he is on his first day of job?! STOP TALKING! i would switch to power 98 if it werent playing crappy christmas songs. ahhhh good. linkin park has come to save my ears from bleeding listening to shan wee talk.

*smiles*

UPDATE :
oh well it seems that many people are experiencing the same problems as i did so i must admit i feel much better la. but i am still feeling very annoyed with sony ericsson for going ahead and releasing faulty phones when they know that there are problems with it.

anyway i might not be going to the service centre after all since i dont think it will solve the problem. there are quite a number of alternative methods so while i decide on which option to take, i might as well go to bed. (its 2 in the morning, very tired, and not to mention its close to 3 am haha)

good luck to me and many thanks luqman, for helping me out and enduring my never ending qsns on technology. =P

back from msia!

2005-12-16T15:36:00.000+08:00

i am glad to announce that i am back from msia!! hahaha. yeap. time to do some catching up with celeb news and tv shows and everything.

anyway the trip was ok la. wasnt as fun as the previous year's cus it was strictly "relative visiting" and no shopping at all so... oh well.. basically i didnt do much luh, just ate, slept, stoned and did nothing useful. im amazed i didnt gain 10kg or smth. cus i was practically gorging myself when i had the chance. hehe. what can i say, eating is GOOOOOD. (:

oh and once again, i did my part in "controlling the insect population" hehe. hurhurhur. those lucky ones were killed instantly and felt no pain whatsoever (i think, hehe) but those unlucky ones were well, tortured to death. it's like using the cruciatus curse (my favourite) on them. hehe. anyway i had fun electricuting them with the mosquito swatter. CRUCIO!!!

hahaha. speaking of unforgivable curses and harry potter, rumour has it that harry potter will get killed in the 7th book! RUMOUR ONLY LA. so harry fans pls dont go all teary eye ok.

but me on the other hand think that it is a marvellous idea to get harry killed and let voldemort survive. i mean, its damn cliche to let the good triumph the evil in the end. then somemore harry has already survived voldemort like uncountable times and voldemort is after all a very powerful wizard so he should finish off harry right.

ok major digression here. but nvm since i duno what more to say about my trip to msia. except that rumours really fly in msia! like FOR REAL OK! hahaha. my gosh its so insanely gossip filled i cannot believe it. and its family business ok. just imagine. being the talk of the town. *shudders*

ok anyway so i just finished watching TAR 8 family edition and well, although team bransen did not win, they did great! hahaha. and since i have a major crush on tommy linz so i didnt mind the linzes winning the million bucks la. and i havent watched survivor yet but i know who the winner is already. and since survivor reunion airs tonight i think sg people still dunno the results unless they checked the internet so i shall keep mum about the results. (:

word.

damn this life.

2005-12-04T22:58:00.000+08:00

ahhhh i am so bloody bored! !#$%^!!!! i think i might kill somebody tonight. just to make life more exciting. hehsss..

it sucks to be stuck at home 24/7 doing nothing!! ok im not actually stuck at home cus i have all the freedom in the world to go whereever i want but thats not the point. point is, i am so bored!!! nth good ever shows on tv man i dunno why! it is so annoying. haha. now i understand why we have to go to school on weekdays. cus they dont want to bore us to death with little or no interesting tv programmes. how considerate. *sarcasm*

and i just broke the golden rule of 'no eating during late nights'. bah even chewing food sounds fun! see how sad my life is. hurhur.

i need to get a new book. yeap. that will keep me occupied for a few hrs. -nodssss.

so anyway.. i have no plans AT ALL until tuesday so anyone wanna ask me out or smth on mon pls do! haha. bleah. for now, i wanna eat pizza. buy me fooooooood.

oh gosh there's a burning smell.. spoooooky!

new phone pls!

2005-12-01T17:03:00.000+08:00

lol damn, im so bored.

and i need a new phone! but i still cant decide which to buy. motorola razr or W800i walkman phone? haha. now got pink razr phone man! which is like the hottest phone in town (hollywood) haha. in any case, paris has it! *smirk* she ditched the black razr for the pink one. damn, if only i had cash like that.

i want to be a hotel heiress too.. .. ..... ........

hahah. nvm. anyway my dad is quite enthusiastic about getting me a new phone, which is a good thing i guess? but it sucks when i duno which phone to buy. =S nvm. i can take my time to decide. fill my brains with smth. afterall it's like blank after the os. except for traces of intellectual stuffs. (:

anyway. ive finished reading memoirs of a geisha (YAY i cant wait for the movie) and ran outa books to read. SO! i am now reading my sec 1 lit book (red sky in the morning) which is quite nice actually! haha. i am secretly nerdy. *nods*

DUDEEE i am sooooo boredddddd. argghghhh. nothing on tv today except for laguna beach (which i just finished watching). its so dramatic i tell you. I LIKE! (:

i want to sleep. bahhhh. (:

outta kranji

2005-11-30T23:47:00.000+08:00

yeah baby, im officially outta kranji. sadness.

it was official on mon, during grad night. and it was b.o.r.i.n.g!!!!!! DUDEEEEEEEE. i do not believe it man. all the money spent for the grad night, it turned out to be like the most overrated event ever! seriously. bleah. i didnt enjoy very much thats for sure.

and why is mdm lee the guest of honour?!? i thought it's an unwritten rule that GOH should be like some bigshot one. how come is from our school one!!!! haha. i find it quite perculiar (this word kept repeating in the book i read) that it's not some mp or what. heh.

but anywaysssss. i still appreciated it after all the criticisms k. im not that ungrateful. HURSSS.

p.s: the emcee is not hot. AT ALL! dude...

oh well well. adlin i hope youre reading this. AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL IS COMING BACK! hahahahahahaa. *cheeeerrrrssssssss* i am so happy i dont know what to say!! *tears of joy* ((((":

hahaha. anyway anyway i went for prefects bbq just now (i almost forgot until 2 hrs before) and yeah we got flowers! ((: haha. thanks junior prefects! (:

okok. run outta things to say alr. oh oh. CEDRIC DIGGORY CANNOT ACT! AHHHH. save me. haha. he is the skinny/non muscular version of arnold swa...swazzzzz... mr arnie! (haha i have no idea how to spell his name!!!) ok but the point is. diggory is supposed to be handsome... but not so in the movie huh. ughhh... nvm

leg pain pain.

2005-11-24T22:21:00.000+08:00

hahaha. yeah today's a good day, i think. but not very eventful.

yesterday was though! i finally got my big fatass off my bed/sofa/whatever and went to shop for my prom dress with sis. but first wenta holland v. woah man it's been ages since i went to holland v! yeap. i didnt explore much but from what i saw, it didnt really change a whole lot like i expected, but there was alot of upgrading going on. hmm. which is quite cool.

although i kinda miss the 'old' holland v you know. ah.. kinda forgotten how it used to look like but i always dreamed of it. you know. ahh. the good ol days man. but yeah, the memory is very vague. very vague indeed. sadness.

but back to prom dress shopping, we basically combed the entire orchard la. heh. ok maybe not. but it definitely felt like we did. (: so now my left calf hurt like mad. the wonderful works of lactic acid. hahahaha. i am so bio oriented. ARGH.

anywayssss.. today i finally went for my haircut. heh. the fringe is kinda short but ah whatever! as long as it looks ok i have no problems with it.

and today the release of psle results leh. hahaha i know it does not, in any way, concern me. but seeing those kids take the result slips i kinda wanna reminisce again. hahaha. damn i miss my p sch.

and i havent watched goblet of fire yet, although i seem to know alot about the show *grins*. will do so on sat yeah! finally. but i am prepared to be 1000000% disappointed because it simply will not, or does not, do justice to the book. what can i say? TIME TO CHANGE DIRECTORS! (:

and maybe change the cast too cus they'd be madly overage by the time they reach the 7th book. you know how slow it is to make the movies. then we'd be seeing a 28 yr old daniel radcliffe act as a 17 yr old potter, how very weird. hehe. then hermione will have no excuse but to be damn smart cus she's super overage. hahahaha ok whatever.